S is on a tear lately.
He desperately, desperately wants the house decluttered. I want it too, but I want sleep more. I am really hoping my second trimester burst of energy kicks in sometime over the next couple of weeks so I can make some progress.
We've already donated an old TV and 3 old computers. We've sold some things on eBay that got rid of 3 big boxes that have been taking up space in the living room. We have a lot more stuff to donate or sell.
Need to go through my closet and sort stuff that can go to Goodwill. Also should pack away clothes that I won't be wearing again until after July.
KB's outgrown toys and clothes are in limbo. So far most (but not all) are in big clear bins. I don't want to give away or sell any clothes until we figure out if we're having a boy or a girl. If we're having another boy, we are SO set.
We have borrowed a train table from a friend and I've asked her if she's ready to have it back. KB has lost interest in it and only plays with the train table at Barnes & Noble or at his cousin's house.
We have some large items to get rid of as well (S's computer desk that he never uses, a huge upholstered chair upstairs, a spinning wheel I bought years ago, and an antique Singer sewing table come immediately to mind).
And of course, I know S would love for me to go through my craft closet and get rid of a bunch of yarn and cross-stitch stuff.
Guess I need to start making lists and prioritizing. Now if only I could find the energy and the motivation to get started.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
12 weeks? Me?
KB still isn't finished with Christmas. Last night he opened a few more presents, but there are still 2 left under the tree, including the Radio Flyer scooter. He is going to go nuts when he unwraps it. I should make sure he opens it when there is still some daylight left.
Had my 12 week appointment yesterday. Surreal. This is only the second time I've made it to 12 weeks, so I am still in awe.
Got another ultrasound (have I mentioned how much I love my physician's assistant, Erica? I think I have, maybe a couple hundred times). The baby was moving around like crazy. I'm still having boy vibes and I commented, "He's going to be just like KB -- won't sit still for a second."
Next appointment at the OB's office is not for another 3 weeks. We are currently scheduled for our nuchal translucency test next Wednesday, but I've just about decided to cancel that appointment and go straight for an amnio. I was 35 when I was pregnant with KB, and the first trimester screening seemed to be enough reassurance at that time.
Now, though, I am 3 years older. And I see that the office/lab we were planning to use for the screening has about an 81% detection rate. That's a pretty scary gap, and I think I need to know for sure. So amnio is scheduled for January 23. Results about a week later.
I guess the upside is, I'll know that much sooner if I should start getting out all of KB's hand-me-downs.
Had my 12 week appointment yesterday. Surreal. This is only the second time I've made it to 12 weeks, so I am still in awe.
Got another ultrasound (have I mentioned how much I love my physician's assistant, Erica? I think I have, maybe a couple hundred times). The baby was moving around like crazy. I'm still having boy vibes and I commented, "He's going to be just like KB -- won't sit still for a second."
Next appointment at the OB's office is not for another 3 weeks. We are currently scheduled for our nuchal translucency test next Wednesday, but I've just about decided to cancel that appointment and go straight for an amnio. I was 35 when I was pregnant with KB, and the first trimester screening seemed to be enough reassurance at that time.
Now, though, I am 3 years older. And I see that the office/lab we were planning to use for the screening has about an 81% detection rate. That's a pretty scary gap, and I think I need to know for sure. So amnio is scheduled for January 23. Results about a week later.
I guess the upside is, I'll know that much sooner if I should start getting out all of KB's hand-me-downs.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Our Christmas, Part I
Today was a great day. I'm exhausted and about to go to bed, but wanted to write about our Christmas so far.
As expected, KB was up early, though he did sleep until 6:30. S stayed up watching movies last night and brought KB to bed with him around 1 am. For some reason, KB tends to sleep a little later when he sleeps with us.
Sent S downstairs to plug in the tree lights and fire up the video camera, then KB and I came downstairs. I really expected KB to make a beeline for the tree in the living room. Instead, as he came downstairs, he spied the very edge of the toy kitchen which we had set up in the family room. He immediately cried "My toy kitchen!!!!" How he knew just what it was from seeing a small edge of it, I have no idea.
The toy kitchen was the hugest hit of the day. KB played with it for hours today, checking out all the food, opening all the doors and cabinets, pretending to make pumpkin bread and soup. It was a long time before he wanted to even look at his other gifts from Santa, and he had almost no interest in unwrapping other gifts.
Only as I was trying to get dinner on the table did he suddenly realize that there were still presents to unwrap. He got a couple and opened them as I finished up dinner.
There are still 6 gifts under the tree. We'll let KB open them whenever he decides he's ready. He had wanted to open the biggest one, from my parents, first thing this morning, but I asked him to wait a little bit. That is a Radio Flyer First Scooter, and I know he is going to want to ride it outside the second he opens it. Hopefully I can get him to hold off until Friday, when I have the day off.
Dinner was so-so. I can't make myself do a whole lot when it's just the 3 of us here. I made a ham, scalloped potatoes and dinner rolls. But for dessert, I made a peppermint cheesecake. Yum. I was very happy with the dessert at least. :-)
OK, off to bed for me. It's been a long day and tomorrow it's back to work.
As expected, KB was up early, though he did sleep until 6:30. S stayed up watching movies last night and brought KB to bed with him around 1 am. For some reason, KB tends to sleep a little later when he sleeps with us.
Sent S downstairs to plug in the tree lights and fire up the video camera, then KB and I came downstairs. I really expected KB to make a beeline for the tree in the living room. Instead, as he came downstairs, he spied the very edge of the toy kitchen which we had set up in the family room. He immediately cried "My toy kitchen!!!!" How he knew just what it was from seeing a small edge of it, I have no idea.
The toy kitchen was the hugest hit of the day. KB played with it for hours today, checking out all the food, opening all the doors and cabinets, pretending to make pumpkin bread and soup. It was a long time before he wanted to even look at his other gifts from Santa, and he had almost no interest in unwrapping other gifts.
Only as I was trying to get dinner on the table did he suddenly realize that there were still presents to unwrap. He got a couple and opened them as I finished up dinner.
There are still 6 gifts under the tree. We'll let KB open them whenever he decides he's ready. He had wanted to open the biggest one, from my parents, first thing this morning, but I asked him to wait a little bit. That is a Radio Flyer First Scooter, and I know he is going to want to ride it outside the second he opens it. Hopefully I can get him to hold off until Friday, when I have the day off.
Dinner was so-so. I can't make myself do a whole lot when it's just the 3 of us here. I made a ham, scalloped potatoes and dinner rolls. But for dessert, I made a peppermint cheesecake. Yum. I was very happy with the dessert at least. :-)
OK, off to bed for me. It's been a long day and tomorrow it's back to work.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas
Christmas is so much more fun now that there's a child in the house. Before KB, Christmas morning was pretty much like any other day. S and I aren't big on exchanging gifts. We usually buy a big gift that is for both of us. This year, I think I've mentioned, we're going to save money towards a big family trip in the spring.
We've been talking up Christmas, and Santa, for a couple of weeks now. And there have been several presents under the tree for about a week. KB has been SO good about not trying to open them. I'm shocked. He hasn't even really tried to pull ornaments off the tree after the first day.
His biggest thrill is rearranging the candy canes on the tree. His favorite thing to do is to gather as many candy canes as he can reach, and then see how many he can line up on a branch. It's pretty funny. And if that's the worst thing he's going to do to the tree, that's fine by me.
Today was fun. After KB's nap, the three of us made cookie dough together. KB insisted that we make the same cookies that we took to his little friends' cookie exchange a couple of weekends ago. The dough had to chill for a couple of hours, so after dinner, we rolled and baked the cookies.
KB generously decided to give Santa 3 cookies, so we put those on a plate and poured a little cup of milk, and put those under the tree.
After that, KB and I both put on our Christmas pajamas (S would not be caught dead in Christmasy PJs), read "Twas the Night Before Christmas", and KB went to sleep (after much chatting and singing songs from his new favorite movie, "The Sound of Music").
Then S and I put together KB's toy kitchen. It only took about an hour and there was no cursing or yelling involved. The kitchen looks REALLY cute. I can't wait until KB comes downstairs tomorrow and sees it.
Filled the stockings and set out KB's presents from Santa. He's getting the soccer ball he asked for, plus Tinkertoys, a Tonka truck, a Cars playmat and some of the little Cars characters. S made me put the Lincoln Logs back for another time. He said he doesn't want KB to have expectations that Santa brings a ton of gifts every year.
He's probably right. I've gotten too used to seeing how overboard my mom & sister go with my nephews. Christmas back home is insane. I'm actually glad I'm not there to see the excess this year.
Gotta get to bed. I'm sure KB will be up early (this morning, it was 5:45). I hope he's excited. I'm pretty sure I'm more excited than he will be.
Merry Christmas!
We've been talking up Christmas, and Santa, for a couple of weeks now. And there have been several presents under the tree for about a week. KB has been SO good about not trying to open them. I'm shocked. He hasn't even really tried to pull ornaments off the tree after the first day.
His biggest thrill is rearranging the candy canes on the tree. His favorite thing to do is to gather as many candy canes as he can reach, and then see how many he can line up on a branch. It's pretty funny. And if that's the worst thing he's going to do to the tree, that's fine by me.
Today was fun. After KB's nap, the three of us made cookie dough together. KB insisted that we make the same cookies that we took to his little friends' cookie exchange a couple of weekends ago. The dough had to chill for a couple of hours, so after dinner, we rolled and baked the cookies.
KB generously decided to give Santa 3 cookies, so we put those on a plate and poured a little cup of milk, and put those under the tree.
After that, KB and I both put on our Christmas pajamas (S would not be caught dead in Christmasy PJs), read "Twas the Night Before Christmas", and KB went to sleep (after much chatting and singing songs from his new favorite movie, "The Sound of Music").
Then S and I put together KB's toy kitchen. It only took about an hour and there was no cursing or yelling involved. The kitchen looks REALLY cute. I can't wait until KB comes downstairs tomorrow and sees it.
Filled the stockings and set out KB's presents from Santa. He's getting the soccer ball he asked for, plus Tinkertoys, a Tonka truck, a Cars playmat and some of the little Cars characters. S made me put the Lincoln Logs back for another time. He said he doesn't want KB to have expectations that Santa brings a ton of gifts every year.
He's probably right. I've gotten too used to seeing how overboard my mom & sister go with my nephews. Christmas back home is insane. I'm actually glad I'm not there to see the excess this year.
Gotta get to bed. I'm sure KB will be up early (this morning, it was 5:45). I hope he's excited. I'm pretty sure I'm more excited than he will be.
Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Christmas card crunch
I have mailed 15 cards. I bought 80. Go me.
Have spent the morning trying to update my address list from last year. Almost have it done; still waiting on a couple of people to e-mail me back.
Sent cards to friends east of the Mississippi River first and figure I'll work my way west.
My friend Katrina is smart. She had her envelopes pre-printed with the recipients' addresses. I think I will try that next year.
Of course I will still procrastinate, but maybe I can save enough time to put together a Christmas letter.
I really do like sending & receiving cards. It's my own procrastinating nature that I dislike.
Have spent the morning trying to update my address list from last year. Almost have it done; still waiting on a couple of people to e-mail me back.
Sent cards to friends east of the Mississippi River first and figure I'll work my way west.
My friend Katrina is smart. She had her envelopes pre-printed with the recipients' addresses. I think I will try that next year.
Of course I will still procrastinate, but maybe I can save enough time to put together a Christmas letter.
I really do like sending & receiving cards. It's my own procrastinating nature that I dislike.
This is how "not pregnant" I feel
S just called me from running errands to see if I wanted to meet him at a nearby Italian place for lunch.
My first thought? "Oh good, I can have some red wine with lunch!"
Took me a minute to realize, oh, no, I can't.
I will be glad when I start feeling some movement to remind me that yes, there really is a baby in there.
My first thought? "Oh good, I can have some red wine with lunch!"
Took me a minute to realize, oh, no, I can't.
I will be glad when I start feeling some movement to remind me that yes, there really is a baby in there.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Christmas card photo session
OK, so all two of you who read my blog will get a hint of what our Christmas cards look like this year.
This is an outtake from our session:
This is an outtake from our session:
Better late than never (?)
Finally bought holiday stamps. Started putting stamps on all our Christmas card envelopes and noticed that I used up all our cute address labels last Christmas. D'oh! No way to re-order them in time.
If I am lucky, I will have a batch of cards to send out tomorrow and Friday. I'll save the local ones for last; if I mail them Saturday, they might get delivered on Christmas Eve.
Every year I tell myself I'm going to get Christmas cards done early. Um, yeah.
Lots going on here lately. Nothing major, nothing bad -- just a lot of activity. Will catch up about it one of these days.
It's really cute seeing KB getting into the whole Christmas thing. He loves the tree and can't wait for the lights to be turned on when he wakes up in the morning.
We've been s-l-o-w-l-y putting presents under the tree, one or two at a time, so KB doesn't go nuts. So far, so good. He has only tried to open one and didn't throw a fit when I told him we were waiting until Christmas to open all the presents.
S and I decided not to exchange gifts and to instead save our money for a possible family trip in February or March. We canceled our trip to Maui when we found out about the twins and the high risk of losing one or both of them. It was going to be our first big trip with just the 3 of us and no extra relatives. I still want that.
If I am lucky, I will have a batch of cards to send out tomorrow and Friday. I'll save the local ones for last; if I mail them Saturday, they might get delivered on Christmas Eve.
Every year I tell myself I'm going to get Christmas cards done early. Um, yeah.
Lots going on here lately. Nothing major, nothing bad -- just a lot of activity. Will catch up about it one of these days.
It's really cute seeing KB getting into the whole Christmas thing. He loves the tree and can't wait for the lights to be turned on when he wakes up in the morning.
We've been s-l-o-w-l-y putting presents under the tree, one or two at a time, so KB doesn't go nuts. So far, so good. He has only tried to open one and didn't throw a fit when I told him we were waiting until Christmas to open all the presents.
S and I decided not to exchange gifts and to instead save our money for a possible family trip in February or March. We canceled our trip to Maui when we found out about the twins and the high risk of losing one or both of them. It was going to be our first big trip with just the 3 of us and no extra relatives. I still want that.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Still here
Almost an entire week since I posted. I am feeling really withdrawn lately. Anxious, scared, you name it. Felt like I held my breath from last week's appointment until today's.
Since the RE released us last week, all my appointments from now on will be with my ob-gyn or with one of her physician's assistants. This morning's was with my favorite PA, Erica. The appointment was at 9:25. S met me at the office, I signed in at 9:20, went to give my urine sample (for once in my life, I did not have to pee and COULD NOT manage more than a few drops). We weren't in the waiting room that long, really, before the nurse called us back to check weight and blood pressure.
I've lost 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks. No idea why. I still feel hungry a lot and am eating regularly. My blood pressure was very high for me. I'm usually a 110/70 kind of gal, and today's reading was 141/70. Of course, the nurse had just opened my chart and said "Oh, twins?!" and I was explaining to her what had happened while she was taking my blood pressure.
We were taken back to one of the ultrasound rooms and I dutifully stripped from the waist down and covered myself with the paper drape. And then we waited. And waited. And waited. I think Erica finally came in around 10:15.
The nurse had told her about the loss of one of the twins, so the first thing she said when she came in was how sorry she was. We chatted a tiny bit and then she moved to the ultrasound machine. She knew I was feeling very anxious.
Twin B hasn't shrunk much since last week, and Erica said it could be weeks before my body fully reabsorbs the embryo.
Twin A (gotta think of a new name) looks awesome! Erica estimated the heart rate in the 190s (um, isn't that WAY too fast?) and calculated the baby to be 10 weeks, 2 days based on size. (I am 10 weeks today)
As we were watching the screen, the baby started moving all around. Almost looked as if he (yes, I am thinking boy again) needed to stretch a little and find a comfy position.
Got a very cute picture of him looking right at us, with his hand up by his face.
Hang in there, buddy. I'm already getting very attached to you.
Next appointment is in 2 weeks. Erica's going to do another u/s to see how things look. Have I mentioned how much I love this woman?
And then the week after that is our first trimester screening, with the bloodwork and the nuchal translucency test.
Right now, I've got to sleep. I managed to catch KB's cold and now it's turning into a sinus infection.
More later about our Christmas-y last few days...
Since the RE released us last week, all my appointments from now on will be with my ob-gyn or with one of her physician's assistants. This morning's was with my favorite PA, Erica. The appointment was at 9:25. S met me at the office, I signed in at 9:20, went to give my urine sample (for once in my life, I did not have to pee and COULD NOT manage more than a few drops). We weren't in the waiting room that long, really, before the nurse called us back to check weight and blood pressure.
I've lost 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks. No idea why. I still feel hungry a lot and am eating regularly. My blood pressure was very high for me. I'm usually a 110/70 kind of gal, and today's reading was 141/70. Of course, the nurse had just opened my chart and said "Oh, twins?!" and I was explaining to her what had happened while she was taking my blood pressure.
We were taken back to one of the ultrasound rooms and I dutifully stripped from the waist down and covered myself with the paper drape. And then we waited. And waited. And waited. I think Erica finally came in around 10:15.
The nurse had told her about the loss of one of the twins, so the first thing she said when she came in was how sorry she was. We chatted a tiny bit and then she moved to the ultrasound machine. She knew I was feeling very anxious.
Twin B hasn't shrunk much since last week, and Erica said it could be weeks before my body fully reabsorbs the embryo.
Twin A (gotta think of a new name) looks awesome! Erica estimated the heart rate in the 190s (um, isn't that WAY too fast?) and calculated the baby to be 10 weeks, 2 days based on size. (I am 10 weeks today)
As we were watching the screen, the baby started moving all around. Almost looked as if he (yes, I am thinking boy again) needed to stretch a little and find a comfy position.
Got a very cute picture of him looking right at us, with his hand up by his face.
Hang in there, buddy. I'm already getting very attached to you.
Next appointment is in 2 weeks. Erica's going to do another u/s to see how things look. Have I mentioned how much I love this woman?
And then the week after that is our first trimester screening, with the bloodwork and the nuchal translucency test.
Right now, I've got to sleep. I managed to catch KB's cold and now it's turning into a sinus infection.
More later about our Christmas-y last few days...
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Sad
Apparently I am sadder than I thought.
S commented that I seemed really down both last night and this morning. I had a really tough time motivating myself to come to work today. And ever since I got here, I've found it very hard to concentrate. I should have just stayed home.
I really need to take the time to explore my feelings, instead of just putting on my "Life goes on" face.
More than anything, I think, I'm terrified of losing the other twin now.
S commented that I seemed really down both last night and this morning. I had a really tough time motivating myself to come to work today. And ever since I got here, I've found it very hard to concentrate. I should have just stayed home.
I really need to take the time to explore my feelings, instead of just putting on my "Life goes on" face.
More than anything, I think, I'm terrified of losing the other twin now.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Good news, bad news
Just got back from today's ultrasound.
Twin A looks great. Measuring exactly 9 weeks (which I am today), heart rate around 156 bpm, moving all around, limb buds distinct and waving wildly. Go, baby, go!
Twin B is gone. No heartbeat, measuring around 8 weeks, but hard to tell because features were very indistinct. My body is already starting to re-absorb the embryo.
Truthfully, I am OK. I am sad but not heartbroken.
Twins would have been very, very difficult when we already have a gorgeous, spirited, incredibly high-energy little boy at the center of our universe.
I don't mean to sound heartless or ungrateful. I am extremely grateful that Twin A looks great, and I hope with all my being that s/he continues to do well. And I did not wish or hope Twin B out of existence.
For a long, long time, I dreamed of having twins. I am sad to let go of that dream. But I have to be honest with myself and I have to be practical.
At some point, it may hit me what I've lost. For now, I feel a mixture of sadness and relief. And I feel like a horrible person for admitting that.
Twin A looks great. Measuring exactly 9 weeks (which I am today), heart rate around 156 bpm, moving all around, limb buds distinct and waving wildly. Go, baby, go!
Twin B is gone. No heartbeat, measuring around 8 weeks, but hard to tell because features were very indistinct. My body is already starting to re-absorb the embryo.
Truthfully, I am OK. I am sad but not heartbroken.
Twins would have been very, very difficult when we already have a gorgeous, spirited, incredibly high-energy little boy at the center of our universe.
I don't mean to sound heartless or ungrateful. I am extremely grateful that Twin A looks great, and I hope with all my being that s/he continues to do well. And I did not wish or hope Twin B out of existence.
For a long, long time, I dreamed of having twins. I am sad to let go of that dream. But I have to be honest with myself and I have to be practical.
At some point, it may hit me what I've lost. For now, I feel a mixture of sadness and relief. And I feel like a horrible person for admitting that.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I am a broken record
I miss caffeine. So much. I'm trying desperately to wait until the 2nd trimester to have a real, honest-to-god Diet Dr. Pepper, but I have moments of temptation every day.
KB slept through the night last night -- hooray! He was asleep before 8:30 and woke up at 6:30. I went to bed a little after 9 and woke up when KB started calling "Mommy!" on the monitor.
But I'm still exhausted and don't know how I'm going to make it to naptime. I want to fall asleep as soon as KB does, but I know I should use that time to take a shower and perform my weekly maintenance, since swimming lessons are tonight.
Aside: thank goodness next week is the last week of swimming lessons until after New Year's. KB has been taking lessons every session since he was 9 months old. I am glad he's so comfortable in the water, but right now, the weekly lessons feel like another obligation I'd like to get rid of.
Except for being tired all the time, and being super hungry much of the day, I don't really feel pregnant. I am trying not to read too much into this. My nipples aren't very sore any more. I never got morning sickness -- had some queasy feelings here and there but never threw up a single time.
Tomorrow will be 9 weeks. This pregnancy is creeping by. Even though I don't think about it every second of every day, the time is passing super slowly.
Ultrasound at 10:00 tomorrow morning at the RE's office. I cannot predict what we'll see. Last week at the OB's office, I wasn't feeling pregnant at all either, and both hearts were still beating. So I'll avoid making any predictions about tomorrow.
KB slept through the night last night -- hooray! He was asleep before 8:30 and woke up at 6:30. I went to bed a little after 9 and woke up when KB started calling "Mommy!" on the monitor.
But I'm still exhausted and don't know how I'm going to make it to naptime. I want to fall asleep as soon as KB does, but I know I should use that time to take a shower and perform my weekly maintenance, since swimming lessons are tonight.
Aside: thank goodness next week is the last week of swimming lessons until after New Year's. KB has been taking lessons every session since he was 9 months old. I am glad he's so comfortable in the water, but right now, the weekly lessons feel like another obligation I'd like to get rid of.
Except for being tired all the time, and being super hungry much of the day, I don't really feel pregnant. I am trying not to read too much into this. My nipples aren't very sore any more. I never got morning sickness -- had some queasy feelings here and there but never threw up a single time.
Tomorrow will be 9 weeks. This pregnancy is creeping by. Even though I don't think about it every second of every day, the time is passing super slowly.
Ultrasound at 10:00 tomorrow morning at the RE's office. I cannot predict what we'll see. Last week at the OB's office, I wasn't feeling pregnant at all either, and both hearts were still beating. So I'll avoid making any predictions about tomorrow.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
How did our parents do it?
I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. Maybe it's the relentless over-commercialism. The 47 catalogs I get a day screaming at me about "Gift Ideas!" The fact that Target had all their Christmas stuff up the day after Halloween.
I'm not a Scrooge, by any means. But I'm having a very hard time motivating myself to get the house picked up to the point where we can actually put up a Christmas tree.
Of course, I want to. When S and I were by ourselves, I put up a Christmas tree every year. Then the Christmas I was pregnant with KB, I didn't have the energy. KB's first Christmas, I didn't have the energy or the time. Plus we had celebrated Christmas at Thanksgiving with my family, because we were flying to India on Christmas day.
Last Christmas, we spent the holidays in Arkansas with my family, so we weren't going to be around much to enjoy a Christmas tree.
But this year, I want to restart the tradition. I want KB to come downstairs every morning to see the sparkling lights on the tree. I want him to take part in hanging ornaments on the branches. He deserves to have the Christmas magic that all little kids feel when they anticipate Christmas morning and Santa Claus.
I just...can't find the energy. I know I need to suck it up and do it. And it's probably going to be just me. S has never participated in putting up or decorating the tree. I guess I can't blame him, since he didn't grow up celebrating the holiday. But still. Can't he do it, or help, for KB's sake?
What S doesn't understand is that when I have to do all the everyday chores, that leaves precious little time or energy left over for the bigger tasks. Like the decluttering he desperately wants me to do. Like decorating the house for Christmas.
If he would just help me, for crying out loud, then maybe I wouldn't feel so hopeless about getting things done.
Ugh. I am sure my mom went through this. I can't remember my dad being an active participant in decorating our house/tree for Christmas either. And he sure didn't help around the house!
So how did my mom do it, with 3 small kids (or even with 1 or 2 small kids, when pregnant with another)? We always had a tree; we always had decorations. My mom cooked dinner every night, kept up with all the regular chores, and still had time to bake Christmas cookies.
And the Christmas that I was 5 years old, my dad built me a dollhouse and my mom MADE just about every piece of furniture that went into it.
For the life of me, I just can't figure out how she managed all of it.
I'm not a Scrooge, by any means. But I'm having a very hard time motivating myself to get the house picked up to the point where we can actually put up a Christmas tree.
Of course, I want to. When S and I were by ourselves, I put up a Christmas tree every year. Then the Christmas I was pregnant with KB, I didn't have the energy. KB's first Christmas, I didn't have the energy or the time. Plus we had celebrated Christmas at Thanksgiving with my family, because we were flying to India on Christmas day.
Last Christmas, we spent the holidays in Arkansas with my family, so we weren't going to be around much to enjoy a Christmas tree.
But this year, I want to restart the tradition. I want KB to come downstairs every morning to see the sparkling lights on the tree. I want him to take part in hanging ornaments on the branches. He deserves to have the Christmas magic that all little kids feel when they anticipate Christmas morning and Santa Claus.
I just...can't find the energy. I know I need to suck it up and do it. And it's probably going to be just me. S has never participated in putting up or decorating the tree. I guess I can't blame him, since he didn't grow up celebrating the holiday. But still. Can't he do it, or help, for KB's sake?
What S doesn't understand is that when I have to do all the everyday chores, that leaves precious little time or energy left over for the bigger tasks. Like the decluttering he desperately wants me to do. Like decorating the house for Christmas.
If he would just help me, for crying out loud, then maybe I wouldn't feel so hopeless about getting things done.
Ugh. I am sure my mom went through this. I can't remember my dad being an active participant in decorating our house/tree for Christmas either. And he sure didn't help around the house!
So how did my mom do it, with 3 small kids (or even with 1 or 2 small kids, when pregnant with another)? We always had a tree; we always had decorations. My mom cooked dinner every night, kept up with all the regular chores, and still had time to bake Christmas cookies.
And the Christmas that I was 5 years old, my dad built me a dollhouse and my mom MADE just about every piece of furniture that went into it.
For the life of me, I just can't figure out how she managed all of it.
Monday, November 26, 2007
All is well
Twin A is measuring 7 weeks, 6 days. Twin B is measuring 7 weeks, 4 days. According to my dates, I am 7 weeks, 5 days.
Good, strong heartbeats. And I got to hear both of them! Awesome. I had never heard a heartbeat via a trans-vaginal ultrasound. I loved hearing that sound with KB.
Apparently I will get an ultrasound at each and every OB appointment because I'm carrying double. Yea me.
Had 8 vials of blood drawn. And a Pap smear. Bleh.
Next appointment with the ob-gyn is December 12. In the meantime, I have another ultrasound with my RE on December 5. Ultrasounds abound!
Very tired. Going to veg for a bit and go to bed. Lately I've been going to bed by 9 or 9:30.
No morning sickness to speak of but I am soooooo flippin' tired.
Good, strong heartbeats. And I got to hear both of them! Awesome. I had never heard a heartbeat via a trans-vaginal ultrasound. I loved hearing that sound with KB.
Apparently I will get an ultrasound at each and every OB appointment because I'm carrying double. Yea me.
Had 8 vials of blood drawn. And a Pap smear. Bleh.
Next appointment with the ob-gyn is December 12. In the meantime, I have another ultrasound with my RE on December 5. Ultrasounds abound!
Very tired. Going to veg for a bit and go to bed. Lately I've been going to bed by 9 or 9:30.
No morning sickness to speak of but I am soooooo flippin' tired.
We're back
We slipped away to a little bed and breakfast up in Mendocino for Thanksgiving. We had stayed at this particular B&B a couple of times in our previous life. It is a really great place and I will write more about it later.
S actually came up with the idea of going to Mendocino, completely unprompted, last weekend. For us, at this stage in our lives, 4-5 days' notice is pretty spontaneous.
The coast was as beautiful as I remembered it. I love the ocean. I could sit and watch it for hours.
We are so lucky that the innkeepers at the B&B were fine with us bringing KB along. The stay was not a complete disaster, as I feared it would be, but things could have been...better. KB was up at 5:30 the first two days and we had asked for the earliest breakfast delivery, which was not until 8:30. Keeping him quiet and entertained in the room was a definite challenge. We brought half a dozen of his favorite books but S didn't want to bring any of his toys. Oy.
Eventually I am going to learn that I just have to override S because he is very silly about things like this.
KB loved the ocean, although we never got close enough for him to even get his feet wet. The water here is way too cold. We had a couple of nice walks (about a mile round trip to the ocean and back) and KB walked nearly the whole way both times. Didn't tire him out enough to sleep late in the mornings, but...
It was nice to get away, but nicer still to get home. KB, as adaptable as we tend to think of him, is a creature of habit. He likes being in his house, with his toys and books. There were several times during the trip that KB said, "I wanna go home, Mommy. I wanna leave right now." I think he had a good time, and he definitely enjoyed all the outdoor time, but at this point in his young life, he prefers to stick closer to home.
And really, right now, that's fine by me.
P.S. I have my first appointment at my ob-gyn's office at 3:30 today. We haven't been released from the RE's office yet, and we will have another ultrasound there next Wednesday. S thinks I am being sneaky by going to the ob-gyn's for an appointment in between. My thinking is, I will be 8 weeks on Wednesday. Why wait until I get released from the RE (I hope) at 9 weeks, and then cross my fingers that I get an appointment at the ob's office quickly? I'm pretty sure the first trimester screening is at 11 weeks, so I'd rather get into the system and get the ball rolling on that.
S actually came up with the idea of going to Mendocino, completely unprompted, last weekend. For us, at this stage in our lives, 4-5 days' notice is pretty spontaneous.
The coast was as beautiful as I remembered it. I love the ocean. I could sit and watch it for hours.
We are so lucky that the innkeepers at the B&B were fine with us bringing KB along. The stay was not a complete disaster, as I feared it would be, but things could have been...better. KB was up at 5:30 the first two days and we had asked for the earliest breakfast delivery, which was not until 8:30. Keeping him quiet and entertained in the room was a definite challenge. We brought half a dozen of his favorite books but S didn't want to bring any of his toys. Oy.
Eventually I am going to learn that I just have to override S because he is very silly about things like this.
KB loved the ocean, although we never got close enough for him to even get his feet wet. The water here is way too cold. We had a couple of nice walks (about a mile round trip to the ocean and back) and KB walked nearly the whole way both times. Didn't tire him out enough to sleep late in the mornings, but...
It was nice to get away, but nicer still to get home. KB, as adaptable as we tend to think of him, is a creature of habit. He likes being in his house, with his toys and books. There were several times during the trip that KB said, "I wanna go home, Mommy. I wanna leave right now." I think he had a good time, and he definitely enjoyed all the outdoor time, but at this point in his young life, he prefers to stick closer to home.
And really, right now, that's fine by me.
P.S. I have my first appointment at my ob-gyn's office at 3:30 today. We haven't been released from the RE's office yet, and we will have another ultrasound there next Wednesday. S thinks I am being sneaky by going to the ob-gyn's for an appointment in between. My thinking is, I will be 8 weeks on Wednesday. Why wait until I get released from the RE (I hope) at 9 weeks, and then cross my fingers that I get an appointment at the ob's office quickly? I'm pretty sure the first trimester screening is at 11 weeks, so I'd rather get into the system and get the ball rolling on that.
Monday, November 19, 2007
An equal and opposite reaction
We told our families about the twins. We had debated waiting until about 12 weeks (right around Christmas) as we did with KB, but then we caved. After all, how many times in life will we get to say, "We're pregnant with twins"? It has a much better ring to it than "Well, we were pregnant with twins, but now..."
Moving on. We limited the news to immediate family, which meant my parents & sister, S's parents, sister/BIL, brother/SIL. I am not close enough to my brother at this point in my life that I was going to call him up at 11 pm to share the news. I figure my mom will tell him and my SIL at Thanksgiving anyway.
S's family was universally thrilled. "Wonderful!" "Great news!" "Fantastic!" and "Congratulations!" are just a few of the exclamations I remember. My MIL and S's sister both added, "So, trying to keep up with your big brother?"
My family, on the other hand, seemed less than thrilled. My sister asked with a flat voice, "Are you kidding me?" She told me I should go ahead and reserve my spot at the looney bin now. She also (helpfully) added, "I hope you're not like me and got your easy kid first." While she is correct that if KB ends up being my 'easy' kid, then I am in a shitload of trouble, she could have saved the sentiment for another time.
My mother was equally unenthusiastic. Her immediate reply was "WHAT?! Are you kidding me?!" When I told her that the doctor warned us that there was a 40-50% chance of the twins reducing to a singleton, she replied, "Wow, I almost don't know..." and her voice trailed off. "Which outcome to root for?" I prompted. Yeah, pretty much. She eventually decided she would just "pray for the outcome that was meant to be."
The next morning, Mom told Dad. He had been asleep when I called. When she indicated that there might be someone new for him to meet next summer, he replied, "They're having ANOTHER one?" When Mom replied that it looked like twins, he said "Holy shit!"
So. I'm sad that my family didn't respond in the same way that S's family did. But I'm also deeply curious why they didn't. Do they think I'm too old to have another child? Do they think KB is that much of a handful that I can't handle another? Are they just stunned at the prospect of twins?
Or is it that I've been a little too forthcoming with my mom and sister about how little S does around here, and they are worried that adding twins to the mix is going to push me over the edge?
I'm really, really curious. But I'm not sure I'm ready to ask yet.
Moving on. We limited the news to immediate family, which meant my parents & sister, S's parents, sister/BIL, brother/SIL. I am not close enough to my brother at this point in my life that I was going to call him up at 11 pm to share the news. I figure my mom will tell him and my SIL at Thanksgiving anyway.
S's family was universally thrilled. "Wonderful!" "Great news!" "Fantastic!" and "Congratulations!" are just a few of the exclamations I remember. My MIL and S's sister both added, "So, trying to keep up with your big brother?"
My family, on the other hand, seemed less than thrilled. My sister asked with a flat voice, "Are you kidding me?" She told me I should go ahead and reserve my spot at the looney bin now. She also (helpfully) added, "I hope you're not like me and got your easy kid first." While she is correct that if KB ends up being my 'easy' kid, then I am in a shitload of trouble, she could have saved the sentiment for another time.
My mother was equally unenthusiastic. Her immediate reply was "WHAT?! Are you kidding me?!" When I told her that the doctor warned us that there was a 40-50% chance of the twins reducing to a singleton, she replied, "Wow, I almost don't know..." and her voice trailed off. "Which outcome to root for?" I prompted. Yeah, pretty much. She eventually decided she would just "pray for the outcome that was meant to be."
The next morning, Mom told Dad. He had been asleep when I called. When she indicated that there might be someone new for him to meet next summer, he replied, "They're having ANOTHER one?" When Mom replied that it looked like twins, he said "Holy shit!"
So. I'm sad that my family didn't respond in the same way that S's family did. But I'm also deeply curious why they didn't. Do they think I'm too old to have another child? Do they think KB is that much of a handful that I can't handle another? Are they just stunned at the prospect of twins?
Or is it that I've been a little too forthcoming with my mom and sister about how little S does around here, and they are worried that adding twins to the mix is going to push me over the edge?
I'm really, really curious. But I'm not sure I'm ready to ask yet.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Relief...and surprise
Long, long ago, before S and I knew how tough a time we would have creating a family, we talked about how many kids we wanted. Each of us comes from a family of 3 siblings. I thought 3 children sounded like a pretty good number, while S insisted he wanted only 2.
"What if," I asked him, playing devil's advocate, "we had one child, then got pregnant with twins when we tried for a second one?"
I think he said something smart-assed about giving one away.
Fast-forward to a few weeks ago. I was talking to one of S's cousins at a family gathering. She was asking if we were getting ready to try for #2. I told her that we were just starting fertility treatments again. Her eyes grew big. "Aren't you scared you might wind up with twins?" she asked me. I tried very hard to stifle a laugh. Was she kidding? Did she know how much trouble we had getting/staying pregnant with one?
Fast-forward again, post-IUI. When I asked KB if he wanted a baby brother or a baby sister, he replied, "A baby brother AND a baby sister." When I ask him how many babies are in Mommy's tummy, he replies, "Two. Two babies, and one girl."
Anyone who doesn't see what's coming, please raise your hand.
Yes, miracle of miracles, we saw 2 sacs and 2 heartbeats.
From a cycle that I was ready to write off after the first follicle scan. From a cycle that supposedly only had one dominant follicle and some other piddly ones.
The doctor who did my ultrasound was very blunt. He said there is a 40-50% chance of the twins reducing to a singleton. And he said there is still a 20-25% chance of miscarriage in general.
So I'm not out of the woods yet, but right now, today, I am carrying twins.
"What if," I asked him, playing devil's advocate, "we had one child, then got pregnant with twins when we tried for a second one?"
I think he said something smart-assed about giving one away.
Fast-forward to a few weeks ago. I was talking to one of S's cousins at a family gathering. She was asking if we were getting ready to try for #2. I told her that we were just starting fertility treatments again. Her eyes grew big. "Aren't you scared you might wind up with twins?" she asked me. I tried very hard to stifle a laugh. Was she kidding? Did she know how much trouble we had getting/staying pregnant with one?
Fast-forward again, post-IUI. When I asked KB if he wanted a baby brother or a baby sister, he replied, "A baby brother AND a baby sister." When I ask him how many babies are in Mommy's tummy, he replies, "Two. Two babies, and one girl."
Anyone who doesn't see what's coming, please raise your hand.
Yes, miracle of miracles, we saw 2 sacs and 2 heartbeats.
From a cycle that I was ready to write off after the first follicle scan. From a cycle that supposedly only had one dominant follicle and some other piddly ones.
The doctor who did my ultrasound was very blunt. He said there is a 40-50% chance of the twins reducing to a singleton. And he said there is still a 20-25% chance of miscarriage in general.
So I'm not out of the woods yet, but right now, today, I am carrying twins.
I could not be more nervous
My stomach is doing flips.
I am not the least bit hungry.
And I still have over 2 hours left until my ultrasound. Aiyee.
Need to find a quiet spot and just meditate for the next little while.
I am not the least bit hungry.
And I still have over 2 hours left until my ultrasound. Aiyee.
Need to find a quiet spot and just meditate for the next little while.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Nothing to say
I am so. effing. tired. And I cannot think of much to say that is not a rehash of my previous posts.
6 weeks today, more or less. Ultrasound tomorrow at 11 am. Trying very hard to think positively. This is our 4th pregnancy and we have one child, so you can see why I might be a wee bit nervous.
KB is talking so much lately. It's non-stop, all day long. It wears me out, especially when most of his conversation consists of questions and then follow-up questions.
Daddy did swimming lessons last night and I enjoyed just watching KB in the water from afar. He is so comfortable in the water, which was exactly our goal when we started swimming lessons for him. It's amazing to see how easily he puts his face in the water.
Gotta take a shower and get ready for work.
I could really use some caffeine, but I'm trying to be good. I sure miss my Diet Dr. Pepper, though.
6 weeks today, more or less. Ultrasound tomorrow at 11 am. Trying very hard to think positively. This is our 4th pregnancy and we have one child, so you can see why I might be a wee bit nervous.
KB is talking so much lately. It's non-stop, all day long. It wears me out, especially when most of his conversation consists of questions and then follow-up questions.
Daddy did swimming lessons last night and I enjoyed just watching KB in the water from afar. He is so comfortable in the water, which was exactly our goal when we started swimming lessons for him. It's amazing to see how easily he puts his face in the water.
Gotta take a shower and get ready for work.
I could really use some caffeine, but I'm trying to be good. I sure miss my Diet Dr. Pepper, though.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Cravings and nausea and sex dreams (oh my!)
I am sitting here at work and all I can think of are noodles. If I knew of a Pho place close by I would sooooo be making a quick run. As it is, the quick noodle place that I really like is in another little town and I don't even know how long it would take me to get there and back. I may have to take off early to indulge myself.
At lunchtime, I waited a little bit too long to eat and I swear I could feel the first waves of nausea. Morning sickness? I have no idea. Last time, if I remember, it started around 6 weeks and only lasted until 8 or so. Until I find myself hunched over the toilet, I refuse to believe it was nausea that I felt.
And last night I had my first sex dream of the pregnancy. Wow! Very hot and steamy. Um, am I a horrible person because the dream was NOT about my husband? It was about a guy that I had a HUGE crush on all through college and beyond. We're still friends and keep in touch sporadically. I've known him for almost 20 years now. Have NO idea why I had a sex dream about him last night, but I'm not complaining. :-)
Nipples are still sore. I'm still having hot flashes. I still cannot predict which way this pregnancy is going, but I am trying not to think about it too much.
At lunchtime, I waited a little bit too long to eat and I swear I could feel the first waves of nausea. Morning sickness? I have no idea. Last time, if I remember, it started around 6 weeks and only lasted until 8 or so. Until I find myself hunched over the toilet, I refuse to believe it was nausea that I felt.
And last night I had my first sex dream of the pregnancy. Wow! Very hot and steamy. Um, am I a horrible person because the dream was NOT about my husband? It was about a guy that I had a HUGE crush on all through college and beyond. We're still friends and keep in touch sporadically. I've known him for almost 20 years now. Have NO idea why I had a sex dream about him last night, but I'm not complaining. :-)
Nipples are still sore. I'm still having hot flashes. I still cannot predict which way this pregnancy is going, but I am trying not to think about it too much.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Good thing I didn't get these numbers first
My OB's office called yesterday with Saturday's hCG results. They use a lab that is a little, shall we say, slow.
The nurse said, "I'm a little confused why we're running these for you." Do most women just get a qualitative hCG test? Pregnant or not pregnant? Give me numbers, baby!
So my hCG level on Saturday (17dpiui) was 908. If I had gotten that number on Saturday afternoon, I would have freaked out and worried the rest of the weekend. Since my 15dpiui level was 477, I was looking for something in the 950 range.
I'm just very glad I got Monday's result (2238) first.
Again, to recap:
10/31, 11:50 am: 296 (14dpiui)
11/1, 9:00 am: 477 (15dpiui)
11/3, 10:10 am: 908 (17dpiui)
11/5, 9:15 am: 2238 (19dpiui)
The 15dpiui and 19dpiui tests were done in the lab at the RE's office. The 14dpiui and 17 dpiui tests were done by two different offices of the Stanford Blood Lab.
But still, I would think a quant. hCG is a quant. hCG.
Oh well, no point in stressing about it now.
Of course, I've been taking all my numbers and Googling obsessively for things like hCG predictive pregnancy outcome. I really need to stop.
But I think at least I've figured out why the first several weeks of pregnancy unnerve me so. There's no feedback. Aside from a couple (few) beta hCG numbers and hopefully an ultrasound (or two, or three), there is little indication WTF is going on inside my body.
At least in the second and third trimesters, you can feel the baby move and kick. From 10 or so weeks on, you can hear the baby's heartbeat on Doppler. (Aside: yes, I will be renting one again. I am that needy.)
Yes, my boobs are killing me and I maul them at every opportunity: "Are they still sore? Are they still as sore as they were yesterday?"
And I'm exhausted. But I'm sure that has more to do with my whirling dervish of a 2-year-old.
I wonder what Tom and Katie did with their ultrasound machine after Suri was born? I sure could use one right about now.
Can't believe I have to wait another week.
The nurse said, "I'm a little confused why we're running these for you." Do most women just get a qualitative hCG test? Pregnant or not pregnant? Give me numbers, baby!
So my hCG level on Saturday (17dpiui) was 908. If I had gotten that number on Saturday afternoon, I would have freaked out and worried the rest of the weekend. Since my 15dpiui level was 477, I was looking for something in the 950 range.
I'm just very glad I got Monday's result (2238) first.
Again, to recap:
10/31, 11:50 am: 296 (14dpiui)
11/1, 9:00 am: 477 (15dpiui)
11/3, 10:10 am: 908 (17dpiui)
11/5, 9:15 am: 2238 (19dpiui)
The 15dpiui and 19dpiui tests were done in the lab at the RE's office. The 14dpiui and 17 dpiui tests were done by two different offices of the Stanford Blood Lab.
But still, I would think a quant. hCG is a quant. hCG.
Oh well, no point in stressing about it now.
Of course, I've been taking all my numbers and Googling obsessively for things like hCG predictive pregnancy outcome. I really need to stop.
But I think at least I've figured out why the first several weeks of pregnancy unnerve me so. There's no feedback. Aside from a couple (few) beta hCG numbers and hopefully an ultrasound (or two, or three), there is little indication WTF is going on inside my body.
At least in the second and third trimesters, you can feel the baby move and kick. From 10 or so weeks on, you can hear the baby's heartbeat on Doppler. (Aside: yes, I will be renting one again. I am that needy.)
Yes, my boobs are killing me and I maul them at every opportunity: "Are they still sore? Are they still as sore as they were yesterday?"
And I'm exhausted. But I'm sure that has more to do with my whirling dervish of a 2-year-old.
I wonder what Tom and Katie did with their ultrasound machine after Suri was born? I sure could use one right about now.
Can't believe I have to wait another week.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
5 weeks, more or less
My IUI was 3 weeks ago today. Not sure if conception happened that day or the following day. So I am right around 5 weeks. Will know more once I get an ultrasound.
The time is dragging. I took my first HPT on Monday night, October 29th, so I've known I was pregnant for less than 9 days. It feels like weeks.
Honestly, I thought that having a 2-year-old at home would be more than enough distraction for me. And truthfully, I don't think about the pregnancy all the time. I'm sure I had lots more time to be obsessive during those early days/weeks with KB.
If you've never experienced infertility and/or miscarriage, I suppose it's hard to understand having a great deal of anxiety during the first trimester.
I wonder how many women get two lines on a pregnancy test and sail confidently through their pregnancies, being absolutely certain they will have babies at the end?
That was probably me during my first pregnancy. Miscarriages were something that happened to other people. Not to me. Not to someone who'd been trying to conceive for 15 months and who so desperately wanted a baby.
And yet it happened all the same.
Not that I am fearful 100% of the time. Each of my hCG results has given me hope and a wee bit of confidence that things are going well. But I know that, for me, getting to that first ultrasound is key. If we see a heartbeat at 6 weeks, I will feel much better.
I can't stand waiting. I'm no good at surprises. If only I had a crystal ball so I could see into the future and know that all would end well...
The time is dragging. I took my first HPT on Monday night, October 29th, so I've known I was pregnant for less than 9 days. It feels like weeks.
Honestly, I thought that having a 2-year-old at home would be more than enough distraction for me. And truthfully, I don't think about the pregnancy all the time. I'm sure I had lots more time to be obsessive during those early days/weeks with KB.
If you've never experienced infertility and/or miscarriage, I suppose it's hard to understand having a great deal of anxiety during the first trimester.
I wonder how many women get two lines on a pregnancy test and sail confidently through their pregnancies, being absolutely certain they will have babies at the end?
That was probably me during my first pregnancy. Miscarriages were something that happened to other people. Not to me. Not to someone who'd been trying to conceive for 15 months and who so desperately wanted a baby.
And yet it happened all the same.
Not that I am fearful 100% of the time. Each of my hCG results has given me hope and a wee bit of confidence that things are going well. But I know that, for me, getting to that first ultrasound is key. If we see a heartbeat at 6 weeks, I will feel much better.
I can't stand waiting. I'm no good at surprises. If only I had a crystal ball so I could see into the future and know that all would end well...
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Yuck
Have I mentioned how much I hate progesterone suppositories?
They really really really make me feel like I'm about to start my period any minute.
They really really really make me feel like I'm about to start my period any minute.
Monday, November 5, 2007
And still more numbers
hCG results from today: 2238.
This is great news. Thursday's hCG level was 477, and the number should have doubled twice by today's blood draw. I was hoping for a level just a smidge over 1900.
I'm happy. I'm by no means confident yet that this pregnancy will result in a live baby, but I'm happy.
First ultrasound: next Thursday (11/15) at 11 am. I'll be 6 weeks.
Gotta do lots of fun stuff with KB between now and then to distract myself.
btw, KB keeps insisting he wants "a baby brother AND a baby sister." Gulp.
This is great news. Thursday's hCG level was 477, and the number should have doubled twice by today's blood draw. I was hoping for a level just a smidge over 1900.
I'm happy. I'm by no means confident yet that this pregnancy will result in a live baby, but I'm happy.
First ultrasound: next Thursday (11/15) at 11 am. I'll be 6 weeks.
Gotta do lots of fun stuff with KB between now and then to distract myself.
btw, KB keeps insisting he wants "a baby brother AND a baby sister." Gulp.
Friday, November 2, 2007
More numbers
OB's office called today with the results from Wednesday's bloodwork. Progesterone was "normal" (I'll ask on Monday for the actual number).
hCG from Wednesday was 296.
So, to recap:
10/31, 11:50 am: 296
11/1, 9:00 am: 477
This is better than the "doubling every 48 hours" rate.
So far so good.
P.S. I know, I really should have just been patient and gone to my RE's office as scheduled. I called my OB's office on Wednesday, thinking they could get my results the same day. When they said they couldn't give results for at least 48 hours, I felt stupid saying "OK, just forget it".
P.P.S. S is home. He is reading bedtime stories to KB as I type. Sweet relief.
hCG from Wednesday was 296.
So, to recap:
10/31, 11:50 am: 296
11/1, 9:00 am: 477
This is better than the "doubling every 48 hours" rate.
So far so good.
P.S. I know, I really should have just been patient and gone to my RE's office as scheduled. I called my OB's office on Wednesday, thinking they could get my results the same day. When they said they couldn't give results for at least 48 hours, I felt stupid saying "OK, just forget it".
P.P.S. S is home. He is reading bedtime stories to KB as I type. Sweet relief.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
hCG numbers
Went to the fertility clinic this morning for my blood draw. The nurse called me back in less than 3 hours.
My hCG level at 15dpiui is 477. (For comparison, my number with KB at the same stage was 408.)
Normally, they'd test again after 48 hours to make sure the number doubles, but the nurse told me to wait until Monday.
Not sure why; the clinic is open weekends since not everyone ovulates or starts a period Monday through Friday.
Anyway, by Monday afternoon I should have a better idea of where this might possibly be going.
Oh, here's something laughable: I was advised to take it easy, avoid straining or lifting, etc. I asked what I was supposed to do with my 32 pound toddler who still likes to be carried when it suits his fancy. The nurse replied "Try to distract him with something else when he asks you to carry him."
Riiiiiiiight. Because that always works.
My hCG level at 15dpiui is 477. (For comparison, my number with KB at the same stage was 408.)
Normally, they'd test again after 48 hours to make sure the number doubles, but the nurse told me to wait until Monday.
Not sure why; the clinic is open weekends since not everyone ovulates or starts a period Monday through Friday.
Anyway, by Monday afternoon I should have a better idea of where this might possibly be going.
Oh, here's something laughable: I was advised to take it easy, avoid straining or lifting, etc. I asked what I was supposed to do with my 32 pound toddler who still likes to be carried when it suits his fancy. The nurse replied "Try to distract him with something else when he asks you to carry him."
Riiiiiiiight. Because that always works.
Halloween
KB loved trick-or-treating last night. He was a little shy at the beginning, but after maybe two houses, he started yelling "TrickerTreat! TrickerTreat! TrickerTreat!" as soon as we'd ring a doorbell.
He only stopped and tried to eat candy once, and I told him that candy was "for putting in his trick-or-treat bag now and for eating later". He actually listened, and repeated it back to me several times throughout the evening. Of course, as soon as we got home, he wanted to eat candy and there was no way in hell that was happening just before bedtime.
He pitched a hellacious fit after we got home. My southern relatives would have deemed it a "wall-eyed fit". We were both crying by the end. I couldn't do anything right. Even if he told me he wanted me to do something (like carry him upstairs), he then changed his mind and screamed bloody murder that he wanted to do something else.
I think he was just very tired from three nights in a row of late bedtimes *and* the Halloween party he had at daycare, where the kids got terribly sugared up.
He was completely fine this morning and did not make reference to any badness last night. I've been giving him as many hugs and snuggles as he will let me because I still feel like shit about how last night went down.
S comes back tomorrow and I am so ready for the relief. Being a single parent is f*cking hard. I don't know how people do it for weeks, months, years on end. Seriously.
I told my mom tonight, every time I have to do this single parent gig for any length of time, I have more and more respect for my sister and what she must go through on a regular basis.
He only stopped and tried to eat candy once, and I told him that candy was "for putting in his trick-or-treat bag now and for eating later". He actually listened, and repeated it back to me several times throughout the evening. Of course, as soon as we got home, he wanted to eat candy and there was no way in hell that was happening just before bedtime.
He pitched a hellacious fit after we got home. My southern relatives would have deemed it a "wall-eyed fit". We were both crying by the end. I couldn't do anything right. Even if he told me he wanted me to do something (like carry him upstairs), he then changed his mind and screamed bloody murder that he wanted to do something else.
I think he was just very tired from three nights in a row of late bedtimes *and* the Halloween party he had at daycare, where the kids got terribly sugared up.
He was completely fine this morning and did not make reference to any badness last night. I've been giving him as many hugs and snuggles as he will let me because I still feel like shit about how last night went down.
S comes back tomorrow and I am so ready for the relief. Being a single parent is f*cking hard. I don't know how people do it for weeks, months, years on end. Seriously.
I told my mom tonight, every time I have to do this single parent gig for any length of time, I have more and more respect for my sister and what she must go through on a regular basis.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Trick...or treat?
This is 12 days post-IUI. I'm in shock. I truly did not think we had a very good chance this cycle. Holy shit. I guess it is true what they say: it only takes one.
Oh, and yes, I've got a huge case of the "What the hell have I done"s as well.
I want to go in tomorrow for a beta, but KB's home with me all day and I can't see taking him to the fertility clinic with me. Oh well, I guess I can wait 'til Wednesday.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wise beyond his years
I feel better today. Still cannot seem to get ahead of the day-to-day chores, but today was better.
I tried a different tactic when I picked KB up from school this evening. I knew he'd want to play on the playground, so I resolved to let him play for half an hour since there was nothing pressing we needed to do at home.
He took the lead, first telling me he wanted to play ball, then playing one of his new favorite games. There is a big map of the U.S. painted on one section of the asphalt where the older kids ride tricycles. The states are painted in different colors. KB will go stand on a state and ask "What's this, Mommy?" and I'll tell him the name of the state. So far, he is very partial to California, presumably because I always tell him "California -- that's where we live".
I let him go to whatever activity he wanted. Today, I gave him a 5-minute warning and counted off each minute. When there was a minute left, I told him to choose one last thing (such as going down one of the big slides) and then it was time to go.
No fussing whatsoever when we made our move. Of course, he dawdled A LOT getting to the car, but again, I told myself, just chill.
Got home, fixed dinner and we ate together. I was hoping to start bathtime at 7 so I could have KB asleep by 8. Fat chance. He didn't even finish eating until after 7:30. Then, when he had finished eating and I was trying to clean him up, he kept snatching the washcloth away from me and cackling.
Everything I've been bottling up for the last several days came spilling out and I started crying. KB's mood immediately changed. "What's wrong, Mommy?" I told him I was a little sad because he wasn't being nice.
He said, "Can I give you a hug?" I went over to the highchair for a hug. "Can I give you a kiss?" Anytime, buddy.
And then he said, "Get me down so we can love each other." Awww.
Bathtime was fun and the rest of the bedtime routine went off without a hitch. I think he was asleep by 8:50 or so.
No chores for me tonight. I'm just going to watch some mindless TV.
I tried a different tactic when I picked KB up from school this evening. I knew he'd want to play on the playground, so I resolved to let him play for half an hour since there was nothing pressing we needed to do at home.
He took the lead, first telling me he wanted to play ball, then playing one of his new favorite games. There is a big map of the U.S. painted on one section of the asphalt where the older kids ride tricycles. The states are painted in different colors. KB will go stand on a state and ask "What's this, Mommy?" and I'll tell him the name of the state. So far, he is very partial to California, presumably because I always tell him "California -- that's where we live".
I let him go to whatever activity he wanted. Today, I gave him a 5-minute warning and counted off each minute. When there was a minute left, I told him to choose one last thing (such as going down one of the big slides) and then it was time to go.
No fussing whatsoever when we made our move. Of course, he dawdled A LOT getting to the car, but again, I told myself, just chill.
Got home, fixed dinner and we ate together. I was hoping to start bathtime at 7 so I could have KB asleep by 8. Fat chance. He didn't even finish eating until after 7:30. Then, when he had finished eating and I was trying to clean him up, he kept snatching the washcloth away from me and cackling.
Everything I've been bottling up for the last several days came spilling out and I started crying. KB's mood immediately changed. "What's wrong, Mommy?" I told him I was a little sad because he wasn't being nice.
He said, "Can I give you a hug?" I went over to the highchair for a hug. "Can I give you a kiss?" Anytime, buddy.
And then he said, "Get me down so we can love each other." Awww.
Bathtime was fun and the rest of the bedtime routine went off without a hitch. I think he was asleep by 8:50 or so.
No chores for me tonight. I'm just going to watch some mindless TV.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
He can be very sweet, too
Just so I don't end another day on a negative note, here is a glimpse of my boy's sweet side.
Last night, we turned out the lights and I put KB into his crib. I asked him, "Do you need a blanket, or is it too hot?" He replied "Too hot" so I left him uncovered.
I lay down on the comforter next to the crib, as I do every night for a few minutes. KB asked me, "Mommy, you need a blanket?" I smiled in the dark as I told him no, I didn't need a blanket either.
Then he replied, "Thank you." I was puzzled.
He continued, "Thank you for asking if I need a blanket, Mommy."
Sometimes his sweetness sneaks up on me.
Last night, we turned out the lights and I put KB into his crib. I asked him, "Do you need a blanket, or is it too hot?" He replied "Too hot" so I left him uncovered.
I lay down on the comforter next to the crib, as I do every night for a few minutes. KB asked me, "Mommy, you need a blanket?" I smiled in the dark as I told him no, I didn't need a blanket either.
Then he replied, "Thank you." I was puzzled.
He continued, "Thank you for asking if I need a blanket, Mommy."
Sometimes his sweetness sneaks up on me.
My patience is in short supply
True mom confession: Some days, some moments, I have to really, really struggle not to just smack KB's ass. Man, that kid can push my buttons like you would not believe.
I had to go to work today (I work Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays -- most of the time nowadays, I have to drive into the office rather than work at home) so it was another hectic morning.
When I went to day care at 5 to retrieve KB, things started off well. I picked him up, collected his jacket and lunch box, and we went outside. I had brought a snack and gave him the choice of eating the snack or going to the playground (on the school grounds). He chose the snack, so we went and sat on a bench and he delightedly said "KB and Mommy having a picnic!"
We had not been seated more than 2 minutes when I noticed red, raised welts on his arm. 4 of them, parallel lines. There were also two cuts on his finger that had obviously bled. I asked if someone scratched him and he said yes, a boy did. He couldn't/wouldn't tell me his name. I gathered all our things and went back to the classroom to ask for details about what happened, since I didn't get an "ouch report" about this (about the kid who knocked KB down and whacked his/her head on his eyebrow, yes, got that report. Sigh). The teacher said she had no idea what had happened to KB.
So goody, I get to talk to the morning teacher tomorrow about who scratched my kid so hard that he left marks. Later, KB told me the name of the boy who scratched him. He said he took a toy truck away from the other little boy, the boy scratched him, and KB immediately said "Sorry". While I'm proud he said sorry when he realized he did something wrong, I also would like him to learn that it's OK to say to children who hurt him "Don't scratch/hit/bite/kick me. That hurts."
After we had our snack, I told KB we needed to go home because Daddy was going to call us. No, he wanted to go play on the big boy slide. I told him 5 minutes. As we were walking over, another little boy and his dad were headed that way. The dad and I introduced the two boys and watched them chase each other, making train noises.
And then I gave KB the 2-minute warning. Ignored. After the 2 minutes were up, I told him he could either walk, or I would carry him. I'd give him the count of 3 to decide. Usually this works like a charm. Not today. When I got to "3", he was very pointedly ignoring me. So I picked him up and started carrying him across the playground towards the car.
Holy smokes, you would have thought I was torturing him. Kicking, flailing, screaming, you name it. And I do mean screaming bloody murder. I think this might well have been his first real public tantrum. Every once in a while, I'd put him down to see if he'd continue walking with me. Big mistake. He'd head right back for the play equipment. I'd scoop him up again and he'd flail his arms & kick his legs at me.
Finally got him deposited in the car seat and buckled in. I was literally shaking.
We got home and it was like nothing ever happened. We talked to S while KB was finishing his dessert of applesauce. S asked KB at some point "Are you being a good boy for Mommy?" and KB replied "No, I mean."
At least the kid is honest.
May tomorrow be a better day. I'm going to bed.
I had to go to work today (I work Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays -- most of the time nowadays, I have to drive into the office rather than work at home) so it was another hectic morning.
When I went to day care at 5 to retrieve KB, things started off well. I picked him up, collected his jacket and lunch box, and we went outside. I had brought a snack and gave him the choice of eating the snack or going to the playground (on the school grounds). He chose the snack, so we went and sat on a bench and he delightedly said "KB and Mommy having a picnic!"
We had not been seated more than 2 minutes when I noticed red, raised welts on his arm. 4 of them, parallel lines. There were also two cuts on his finger that had obviously bled. I asked if someone scratched him and he said yes, a boy did. He couldn't/wouldn't tell me his name. I gathered all our things and went back to the classroom to ask for details about what happened, since I didn't get an "ouch report" about this (about the kid who knocked KB down and whacked his/her head on his eyebrow, yes, got that report. Sigh). The teacher said she had no idea what had happened to KB.
So goody, I get to talk to the morning teacher tomorrow about who scratched my kid so hard that he left marks. Later, KB told me the name of the boy who scratched him. He said he took a toy truck away from the other little boy, the boy scratched him, and KB immediately said "Sorry". While I'm proud he said sorry when he realized he did something wrong, I also would like him to learn that it's OK to say to children who hurt him "Don't scratch/hit/bite/kick me. That hurts."
After we had our snack, I told KB we needed to go home because Daddy was going to call us. No, he wanted to go play on the big boy slide. I told him 5 minutes. As we were walking over, another little boy and his dad were headed that way. The dad and I introduced the two boys and watched them chase each other, making train noises.
And then I gave KB the 2-minute warning. Ignored. After the 2 minutes were up, I told him he could either walk, or I would carry him. I'd give him the count of 3 to decide. Usually this works like a charm. Not today. When I got to "3", he was very pointedly ignoring me. So I picked him up and started carrying him across the playground towards the car.
Holy smokes, you would have thought I was torturing him. Kicking, flailing, screaming, you name it. And I do mean screaming bloody murder. I think this might well have been his first real public tantrum. Every once in a while, I'd put him down to see if he'd continue walking with me. Big mistake. He'd head right back for the play equipment. I'd scoop him up again and he'd flail his arms & kick his legs at me.
Finally got him deposited in the car seat and buckled in. I was literally shaking.
We got home and it was like nothing ever happened. We talked to S while KB was finishing his dessert of applesauce. S asked KB at some point "Are you being a good boy for Mommy?" and KB replied "No, I mean."
At least the kid is honest.
May tomorrow be a better day. I'm going to bed.
Rip my heart out
I was beginning to think KB was doing fine with S's absence. Since Saturday night, he has barely asked for Daddy or mentioned him at all.
This morning changed my mind about how affected he is.
KB woke up at 5:21, chattering away in his crib. I went into his room, asked him to lie down, covered him with a blanket. I lay down on the floor next to his crib and told him it was still nighttime and we needed to go back to sleep.
At 6:48, he woke up, crying hysterically. I asked him what was wrong, thinking he had a bad dream.
"What'd I do to my Daddy? What'd I do to him, Mommy?"
I reassured him, "You didn't do anything to Daddy, baby, what do you mean?"
His reply ripped my heart in two:
"He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't love me."
I tried to comfort him, to reassure him that Daddy loves him, very much, he's just gone for a little while but he will come back.
I really hope S takes this to heart and stops going on these trips. The older KB gets, the more and more he is going to be affected by S's absence.
For now, I am asking S to call KB every night before bedtime. I don't know what else to do.
This morning changed my mind about how affected he is.
KB woke up at 5:21, chattering away in his crib. I went into his room, asked him to lie down, covered him with a blanket. I lay down on the floor next to his crib and told him it was still nighttime and we needed to go back to sleep.
At 6:48, he woke up, crying hysterically. I asked him what was wrong, thinking he had a bad dream.
"What'd I do to my Daddy? What'd I do to him, Mommy?"
I reassured him, "You didn't do anything to Daddy, baby, what do you mean?"
His reply ripped my heart in two:
"He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't love me."
I tried to comfort him, to reassure him that Daddy loves him, very much, he's just gone for a little while but he will come back.
I really hope S takes this to heart and stops going on these trips. The older KB gets, the more and more he is going to be affected by S's absence.
For now, I am asking S to call KB every night before bedtime. I don't know what else to do.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Judge not
KB is a very active, very intense little boy. He is, I think, what people are referring to when they talk about "spirited" children. In some circles, he would be characterized as "a handful" or "all boy".
And at the end of the day, I am spent. I'm exhausted.
Today KB really tested my patience. I raised my voice (read: yelled) many times, and felt bad afterwards.
I took him with me to the post office to mail some bills and to pick up a package. He loves putting envelopes into the outgoing mail slot. However, when it came time to pick up the package, he was not at all interested in staying next to me. He kept running from the counter out into the lobby where all the post office boxes are. There was another boy (around 5) with his mom, also picking up a package. He was not helping matters; he would chase KB out into the lobby. Then his mother would tell him to come back and stand next to her. KB, meanwhile, would wait out in the lobby, out of my line of sight, for someone to chase him.
I had to keep running out to the lobby to retrieve him, so he didn't try to run out the door into the parking lot. The postal clerk behind the counter kept giving me looks. Why is it that when people give me shitty looks like that, I feel the need to apologize for my son?
Finally, I had to just go pick KB up and hold him on my hip while I tried to sign for the package with my free hand. He was not pleased.
Then, at swimming lessons, he was in another of his "I'll do what I damn well please" moods. The other little girls in the class listen to their moms and to the teacher. They do as they are asked. KB? Not so much. If the game or activity we are doing meshes with what he wants to do, he's fine.
Tonight, for example, one of their big activities was falling into the pool backwards and reaching for the wall. In previous sessions, KB did NOT like this activity at all. He was afraid to fall into the water when he couldn't see where he was falling. He loved it tonight. He kept wanting to do it again and again, even when the teacher was ready to move on to another activity. He kept crawling over the wall separating our lane from the next class's lane, and dropping into the water. I had to reach over several times to grab him before he went under.
The teacher kept giving me looks. Not necessarily shitty looks, but looks I recognized as "Can't you control your kid?" I wanted to ask her, what would you do? Surely he is not the only kid in the history of the swim school that has acted this way. Will he grow out of this behavior and be able to pay attention to his instructors?
After class, we stopped at a sandwich place near home. KB kept running back and forth between the cash register and the chip display, picking up bags of chips and putting them on the counter. I kept returning the bags to him, each time asking him to put the chips back. When we sat at our table, I strapped him into the high chair (I know, I should be infinitely grateful that he will still sit this way!!). He kept grabbing at stuff on the table and I kept telling him "Wait KB, Mommy will get it for you." Lather, rinse, repeat.
When I finally got to sit down, I looked up and noticed an elderly woman looking at me scornfully. I really wanted to smack her. Don't you think I know? I want to ask these people.
Seriously, what do people want me to do? I can't just not take him out in public.
Is it me? Have I done something, or not done something, to make him this way? Or is it just the way he is made? Most of the time, I truly believe it's just his nature.
But days like today make me think that maybe I'm just a shitty parent.
And at the end of the day, I am spent. I'm exhausted.
Today KB really tested my patience. I raised my voice (read: yelled) many times, and felt bad afterwards.
I took him with me to the post office to mail some bills and to pick up a package. He loves putting envelopes into the outgoing mail slot. However, when it came time to pick up the package, he was not at all interested in staying next to me. He kept running from the counter out into the lobby where all the post office boxes are. There was another boy (around 5) with his mom, also picking up a package. He was not helping matters; he would chase KB out into the lobby. Then his mother would tell him to come back and stand next to her. KB, meanwhile, would wait out in the lobby, out of my line of sight, for someone to chase him.
I had to keep running out to the lobby to retrieve him, so he didn't try to run out the door into the parking lot. The postal clerk behind the counter kept giving me looks. Why is it that when people give me shitty looks like that, I feel the need to apologize for my son?
Finally, I had to just go pick KB up and hold him on my hip while I tried to sign for the package with my free hand. He was not pleased.
Then, at swimming lessons, he was in another of his "I'll do what I damn well please" moods. The other little girls in the class listen to their moms and to the teacher. They do as they are asked. KB? Not so much. If the game or activity we are doing meshes with what he wants to do, he's fine.
Tonight, for example, one of their big activities was falling into the pool backwards and reaching for the wall. In previous sessions, KB did NOT like this activity at all. He was afraid to fall into the water when he couldn't see where he was falling. He loved it tonight. He kept wanting to do it again and again, even when the teacher was ready to move on to another activity. He kept crawling over the wall separating our lane from the next class's lane, and dropping into the water. I had to reach over several times to grab him before he went under.
The teacher kept giving me looks. Not necessarily shitty looks, but looks I recognized as "Can't you control your kid?" I wanted to ask her, what would you do? Surely he is not the only kid in the history of the swim school that has acted this way. Will he grow out of this behavior and be able to pay attention to his instructors?
After class, we stopped at a sandwich place near home. KB kept running back and forth between the cash register and the chip display, picking up bags of chips and putting them on the counter. I kept returning the bags to him, each time asking him to put the chips back. When we sat at our table, I strapped him into the high chair (I know, I should be infinitely grateful that he will still sit this way!!). He kept grabbing at stuff on the table and I kept telling him "Wait KB, Mommy will get it for you." Lather, rinse, repeat.
When I finally got to sit down, I looked up and noticed an elderly woman looking at me scornfully. I really wanted to smack her. Don't you think I know? I want to ask these people.
Seriously, what do people want me to do? I can't just not take him out in public.
Is it me? Have I done something, or not done something, to make him this way? Or is it just the way he is made? Most of the time, I truly believe it's just his nature.
But days like today make me think that maybe I'm just a shitty parent.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Day two
I thought I might get to veg a little tonight and watch some TV, but I got caught up in paying bills and now I really need to get to bed.
KB slept through the night last night! I did not hear a peep out of him. Yea!
He was up at 5:48 this morning, though, and I couldn't get him to go back to sleep. Not so yea.
Tomorrow should be much more relaxed since I don't have to go to work. Today wasn't so bad -- I did as much prep work as I could last night, so I could just feed KB, shower and get both of us dressed and out the door decently early this morning.
When S is gone on these trips of his, it's the mornings I dread. Everything else I can handle.
I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. I've worked as a developer/engineer for the last 13 years, and for the most part, I could set my own schedule. My ideal schedule was to get to work around 10 am and leave around 7. I could stay up until midnight or 1 am, puttering around and doing as I pleased.
Now, though, I have to be "on" starting around 6 or 6:30 in the morning. Sometimes before. When S is here, we can trade off: one of us gets up with KB, makes his breakfast, etc., and the other one sleeps in a bit. And I do confess, I get the lion's share of the sleeping in. (Of course, I did not spend the first several years of our marriage bragging that I only needed 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night.)
With S gone, there's no backup. It's all me, baby. So I know I've got to get my arse into bed by 10:30 or 11 to have even a slim chance of being rested in the mornings.
Speaking of which, it's time for me to hit the sack. How sad is it that I haven't even gone to sleep for the night yet, and I'm already looking forward to naptime tomorrow?
Nothing on tomorrow's agenda except swimming lessons in the evening. I'll probably take KB to the park earlier in the day. Maybe if I wear him out, he'll sleep in for me on Wednesday. Ha.
KB slept through the night last night! I did not hear a peep out of him. Yea!
He was up at 5:48 this morning, though, and I couldn't get him to go back to sleep. Not so yea.
Tomorrow should be much more relaxed since I don't have to go to work. Today wasn't so bad -- I did as much prep work as I could last night, so I could just feed KB, shower and get both of us dressed and out the door decently early this morning.
When S is gone on these trips of his, it's the mornings I dread. Everything else I can handle.
I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. I've worked as a developer/engineer for the last 13 years, and for the most part, I could set my own schedule. My ideal schedule was to get to work around 10 am and leave around 7. I could stay up until midnight or 1 am, puttering around and doing as I pleased.
Now, though, I have to be "on" starting around 6 or 6:30 in the morning. Sometimes before. When S is here, we can trade off: one of us gets up with KB, makes his breakfast, etc., and the other one sleeps in a bit. And I do confess, I get the lion's share of the sleeping in. (Of course, I did not spend the first several years of our marriage bragging that I only needed 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night.)
With S gone, there's no backup. It's all me, baby. So I know I've got to get my arse into bed by 10:30 or 11 to have even a slim chance of being rested in the mornings.
Speaking of which, it's time for me to hit the sack. How sad is it that I haven't even gone to sleep for the night yet, and I'm already looking forward to naptime tomorrow?
Nothing on tomorrow's agenda except swimming lessons in the evening. I'll probably take KB to the park earlier in the day. Maybe if I wear him out, he'll sleep in for me on Wednesday. Ha.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Not bad
KB and I had a good day. We got up this morning and he helped me make blueberry muffins. He loves helping in the kitchen. He got a kick out of putting paper cups into the muffin tin. And of course, however many ingredients I let him pour into the mixing bowl, he is thrilled.
After breakfast, we just hung out at home and played, read books, etc. Then he helped me make lunch, and after lunch it was naptime.
When he woke up from his nap, I thought I would try sitting him on the potty right away. We've been encouraging him to sit on the potty a lot lately, but he sits there for a few minutes and nothing comes out. After his nap, though, he had a huge pee in the potty. He was SO proud! He talked about it at random times for the rest of the day.
Then we got ready and went to Gilroy Gardens. By the time we got there, it was 4 pm, and the park closes at 6 pm nowadays. We rode a few rides and KB ran through the hay maze a couple dozen times, then we shared pasta and a fruit bowl for a light dinner.
Came home, played a little, then got ready for bed. He actually sat still for me and let me cut and file his fingernails, which he NEVER does. Read stories (he asked for "How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight" but I think reading that book at night gives him bad dreams) and put him down. He was out by 8:30. I'm hoping he sleeps til 6:30 tomorrow morning, but I have no way to predict how many wakeups he'll have tonight.
On the housework front, I did 3 loads of laundry and cleared half the sink of dishes. I have KB's sheet, blanket & diapers ready to go to daycare tomorrow. I've made both our lunches. I'm hoping I wake up before he does so I can shower and get ready. I need to go into work early so I can get home by noon -- S scheduled someone to come and install a new alarm system since ours hit the skids several weeks ago.
There are toys all over the family room floor but I can't bring myself to pick them up. I should get to bed soon so I can have a chance at a decent night's sleep.
Oh, and no word from S. Weird. He should have arrived in Manila about 2 hours ago. More than enough time for him to get to the hotel and get settled in. I thought I would at least get a text message saying "I'm here".
After breakfast, we just hung out at home and played, read books, etc. Then he helped me make lunch, and after lunch it was naptime.
When he woke up from his nap, I thought I would try sitting him on the potty right away. We've been encouraging him to sit on the potty a lot lately, but he sits there for a few minutes and nothing comes out. After his nap, though, he had a huge pee in the potty. He was SO proud! He talked about it at random times for the rest of the day.
Then we got ready and went to Gilroy Gardens. By the time we got there, it was 4 pm, and the park closes at 6 pm nowadays. We rode a few rides and KB ran through the hay maze a couple dozen times, then we shared pasta and a fruit bowl for a light dinner.
Came home, played a little, then got ready for bed. He actually sat still for me and let me cut and file his fingernails, which he NEVER does. Read stories (he asked for "How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight" but I think reading that book at night gives him bad dreams) and put him down. He was out by 8:30. I'm hoping he sleeps til 6:30 tomorrow morning, but I have no way to predict how many wakeups he'll have tonight.
On the housework front, I did 3 loads of laundry and cleared half the sink of dishes. I have KB's sheet, blanket & diapers ready to go to daycare tomorrow. I've made both our lunches. I'm hoping I wake up before he does so I can shower and get ready. I need to go into work early so I can get home by noon -- S scheduled someone to come and install a new alarm system since ours hit the skids several weeks ago.
There are toys all over the family room floor but I can't bring myself to pick them up. I should get to bed soon so I can have a chance at a decent night's sleep.
Oh, and no word from S. Weird. He should have arrived in Manila about 2 hours ago. More than enough time for him to get to the hotel and get settled in. I thought I would at least get a text message saying "I'm here".
Day One
S is gone. Again. Yet another business trip to Manila. I curse the day his company decided to outsource most of their engineering and operations to the Philippines.
This is what? The 9th trip in 3 years? I'm pretty sure it's the 7th trip since KB was born. At two weeks a pop, he's missed a good chunk of KB's life. And yet he wonders why KB is so attached to me.
I'm not sure what pisses me off the absolute most about these trips. Could it be the fact that S volunteers for them? No one at his company is forcing him to go. He claims that the engineers in the Manila office work better when they get "face time" from him now and then. Um, why not hire people who are more senior and self-motivated?
Maybe it's the fact that S doesn't do anything to help me out before he leaves on these trips. This is the first time KB and I have planned to stay put the entire time S is out of the country. Previously, we've taken the opportunity to go visit my parents in Arkansas. And usually S is already gone by the time we go, leaving me to get to the airport by myself with a rowdy toddler, car seat, diaper bag, luggage, etc.
Also, normally S just takes a shuttle to the airport, since he flies out of San Francisco around 1 am, and that's too late to be schlepping KB back and forth. Last night, though, he had the bright idea of taking the 8:00 train to SFO so he could hang out in the business lounge for a few hours before his flight. Trouble was, he piddled around here so long that we got to the train station a minute or so too late. The train was at the station when S went in to buy his ticket. By the time he got to the platform, the train was gone.
So what should have been a 30-minute round trip to the train station turned into a 2-hour round trip to SFO. KB fell asleep at 9:15 and slept the whole way home. Got home at 10:00 and somehow managed to get him inside, upstairs, and half-changed into pajamas without waking him up.
Of course, he woke up twice during the night and was up for good at 6:15. Oy.
And now I have a sink full of dishes, dirty pots and pans on the stove, a hamper full of dirty clothes, and more dirty clothes littering the floor of the closet. Thanks for the help, S. He did laundry yesterday, but ONLY washed the clothes he wanted to take to Manila. See previous comment about not doing anything to help out before leaving on these trips.
Today, after naptime, I'm going to *try* to take KB to our favorite little theme park. It's been a while since I've taken him by myself, but I hope he'll cooperate and stay close to me.
The next two weeks are going to be exhausting.
This is what? The 9th trip in 3 years? I'm pretty sure it's the 7th trip since KB was born. At two weeks a pop, he's missed a good chunk of KB's life. And yet he wonders why KB is so attached to me.
I'm not sure what pisses me off the absolute most about these trips. Could it be the fact that S volunteers for them? No one at his company is forcing him to go. He claims that the engineers in the Manila office work better when they get "face time" from him now and then. Um, why not hire people who are more senior and self-motivated?
Maybe it's the fact that S doesn't do anything to help me out before he leaves on these trips. This is the first time KB and I have planned to stay put the entire time S is out of the country. Previously, we've taken the opportunity to go visit my parents in Arkansas. And usually S is already gone by the time we go, leaving me to get to the airport by myself with a rowdy toddler, car seat, diaper bag, luggage, etc.
Also, normally S just takes a shuttle to the airport, since he flies out of San Francisco around 1 am, and that's too late to be schlepping KB back and forth. Last night, though, he had the bright idea of taking the 8:00 train to SFO so he could hang out in the business lounge for a few hours before his flight. Trouble was, he piddled around here so long that we got to the train station a minute or so too late. The train was at the station when S went in to buy his ticket. By the time he got to the platform, the train was gone.
So what should have been a 30-minute round trip to the train station turned into a 2-hour round trip to SFO. KB fell asleep at 9:15 and slept the whole way home. Got home at 10:00 and somehow managed to get him inside, upstairs, and half-changed into pajamas without waking him up.
Of course, he woke up twice during the night and was up for good at 6:15. Oy.
And now I have a sink full of dishes, dirty pots and pans on the stove, a hamper full of dirty clothes, and more dirty clothes littering the floor of the closet. Thanks for the help, S. He did laundry yesterday, but ONLY washed the clothes he wanted to take to Manila. See previous comment about not doing anything to help out before leaving on these trips.
Today, after naptime, I'm going to *try* to take KB to our favorite little theme park. It's been a while since I've taken him by myself, but I hope he'll cooperate and stay close to me.
The next two weeks are going to be exhausting.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
The IUI yesterday
As IUIs go, it was by far the quickest one I've ever had.
Originally the schedule was for S to go and make his, um, donation at 2 pm. Then I was to go in at 4 for the actual insemination. The clinic called Tuesday afternoon and asked if I could come in at 3:45 instead.
S got to his appointment a little early, around 1:45. By 2, he texted me that he was on the way home.
S actually offered to go with me to the insemination. I was shocked! He didn't go with me to the last two (including the one where I conceived KB). They're not terribly exciting, so I don't blame him.
Anyway, he asked if I wanted him to attend this time and I said sure. I didn't really want to be alone my first time back in the stirrups. Plus, the doctors in the past have had a notoriously hard time threading the catheter through my cervix, and I figured if nothing else, S could hold my hand while I grimaced through the procedure.
S's sperm count was pretty good -- 21 million alive and swimming. The doctor said they are happy with anything over 5 million. For reference, I asked about our last cycle and found out we had 27 million that time. (We also found out that the previous two counts were in the 30 and 50 million range, and we all know those didn't work, so it's all a crapshoot anyway.)
I really wish I had gotten one last peek at my ovaries before the IUI. I would have liked to see how big the follicles were at the time, since I'm pretty positive I had not yet ovulated. I figure the lead follicle was around 20-22mm.
Dr. K surprised the hell out of me by inserting the catheter in record time. When he triumphantly declared "It's in!", I asked him incredulously, "It's in? *All the way* in? Are you sure?!" I wanted to ask if S could press the plunger on the syringe (a symbolic knocking me up and all that) but everything happened so fast.
Lay there for 10 minutes afterwards, trying to visualize good things happening in my uterus. Then we picked up KB from daycare, played in the park for a while, and went to dinner.
Came home, gave KB a bath, and ended up having to sanitize the bathtub afterwards. I'm actually surprised we made it over 2 years before KB pooped in the bathtub for the first time. May it also be the last time.
Whether or not I get pregnant this cycle, today was definitely a memorable day.
My waking temp went from 96.7 yesterday morning to 97.5 this morning, so that's a good sign. Unfortunately, I haven't been charting this month, so I don't really have an idea what my normal temps are. Pre-KB, whenever I charted, my post-O temps were above 98. I'll try to temp again for the rest of this cycle and see what the numbers look like.
Blood test is scheduled for November 1st (my dad's birthday). My period would start October 28th if I have a regular 28 day cycle (I'm not holding my breath, since I didn't ovulate until at least CD 18).
KB should keep me busy enough over the next 2 weeks that I don't think about everything too much. I hope.
Everything you wanted to know about IUI
Originally the schedule was for S to go and make his, um, donation at 2 pm. Then I was to go in at 4 for the actual insemination. The clinic called Tuesday afternoon and asked if I could come in at 3:45 instead.
S got to his appointment a little early, around 1:45. By 2, he texted me that he was on the way home.
S actually offered to go with me to the insemination. I was shocked! He didn't go with me to the last two (including the one where I conceived KB). They're not terribly exciting, so I don't blame him.
Anyway, he asked if I wanted him to attend this time and I said sure. I didn't really want to be alone my first time back in the stirrups. Plus, the doctors in the past have had a notoriously hard time threading the catheter through my cervix, and I figured if nothing else, S could hold my hand while I grimaced through the procedure.
S's sperm count was pretty good -- 21 million alive and swimming. The doctor said they are happy with anything over 5 million. For reference, I asked about our last cycle and found out we had 27 million that time. (We also found out that the previous two counts were in the 30 and 50 million range, and we all know those didn't work, so it's all a crapshoot anyway.)
I really wish I had gotten one last peek at my ovaries before the IUI. I would have liked to see how big the follicles were at the time, since I'm pretty positive I had not yet ovulated. I figure the lead follicle was around 20-22mm.
Dr. K surprised the hell out of me by inserting the catheter in record time. When he triumphantly declared "It's in!", I asked him incredulously, "It's in? *All the way* in? Are you sure?!" I wanted to ask if S could press the plunger on the syringe (a symbolic knocking me up and all that) but everything happened so fast.
Lay there for 10 minutes afterwards, trying to visualize good things happening in my uterus. Then we picked up KB from daycare, played in the park for a while, and went to dinner.
Came home, gave KB a bath, and ended up having to sanitize the bathtub afterwards. I'm actually surprised we made it over 2 years before KB pooped in the bathtub for the first time. May it also be the last time.
Whether or not I get pregnant this cycle, today was definitely a memorable day.
My waking temp went from 96.7 yesterday morning to 97.5 this morning, so that's a good sign. Unfortunately, I haven't been charting this month, so I don't really have an idea what my normal temps are. Pre-KB, whenever I charted, my post-O temps were above 98. I'll try to temp again for the rest of this cycle and see what the numbers look like.
Blood test is scheduled for November 1st (my dad's birthday). My period would start October 28th if I have a regular 28 day cycle (I'm not holding my breath, since I didn't ovulate until at least CD 18).
KB should keep me busy enough over the next 2 weeks that I don't think about everything too much. I hope.
Everything you wanted to know about IUI
Monday, October 15, 2007
Everything I thought I knew was wrong
Had my follow-up follicle scan today, after injecting another dose + a piddle over the weekend.
My lead follicle is about 18mm now, so it's getting there. There is another little follicle on the right side, about 11mm.
On the left side, there are two follicles, 12mm and 13mm.
So it looks like the right side is going to get the dominant follicle this time. I don't think the others are going to catch up.
I expressed my disappointment to Dr. K, saying that my HSG a few years ago had showed a blockage on my right tube. He looked through my chart and found the notes from the HSG. The notes said that it was my left tube that was blocked. I was stunned.
Maybe I am not entirely screwed after all.
Trigger shot tomorrow morning; IUI Wednesday afternoon.
Sex with a catheter. Mmmm, my favorite.
My lead follicle is about 18mm now, so it's getting there. There is another little follicle on the right side, about 11mm.
On the left side, there are two follicles, 12mm and 13mm.
So it looks like the right side is going to get the dominant follicle this time. I don't think the others are going to catch up.
I expressed my disappointment to Dr. K, saying that my HSG a few years ago had showed a blockage on my right tube. He looked through my chart and found the notes from the HSG. The notes said that it was my left tube that was blocked. I was stunned.
Maybe I am not entirely screwed after all.
Trigger shot tomorrow morning; IUI Wednesday afternoon.
Sex with a catheter. Mmmm, my favorite.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Three years ago today...
...we got lucky.
It was our 3rd IUI. After almost a year of tests and treatments and no baby, I was getting sick of it all. I was ready to take a break and start exploring options like IVF and/or adoption.
I'm too tired to make a really thoughtful entry, so I'll just say that KB, I am so thankful that you are in my life. I love being your mom. You make me smile and laugh out loud every single day.
It was our 3rd IUI. After almost a year of tests and treatments and no baby, I was getting sick of it all. I was ready to take a break and start exploring options like IVF and/or adoption.
I'm too tired to make a really thoughtful entry, so I'll just say that KB, I am so thankful that you are in my life. I love being your mom. You make me smile and laugh out loud every single day.
That sucked, part II
My mom called last night. She and Dad signed the final papers yesterday to sell the house. She said she dug up the papers from when they bought the house, and they were dated October 14, 1980. So they lacked 2 days being in the same house for 27 years.
This day has been coming for a long time; it was not a surprise. Hell, they've had their new house (5 minutes away from my sister's house) since June if not before. I went home in April to help go through things from the garage, the attic, the storage locker. So no, the sale itself was not a surprise.
But yet, hearing the news was a shock to my system. I'm very sad, and I'm sure it is because this definitively closes the chapter on my childhood. Good Lord, I'm in my late 30s, so childhood is a distant memory. I don't know why this house sale is affecting me so much.
The three of us grew up in that house. That's where we got ready for dates, proms, graduations. Where we ate breakfast together in the mornings before getting ready for school. Where we ate dinner together every night as a family.
We had so many Christmases and Thanksgivings there, even after we'd all gone to college, moved off, gotten married, had kids.
That is the first grandparents' house KB ever knew. He had been there often enough that he remembered where things were from visit to visit. When we brought him home last year for Christmas, I went in first with the camera, hoping to capture his wide-eyed expression at seeing Nana's big Christmas tree. Instead, he bypassed the tree entirely and ran straight for the toybox, which hadn't moved from its position the previous visit.
There are just so many memories. But as my mom said, she and my dad don't really have roots in that little small town anymore. A lot of memories, yes, but no roots. It is time to move on.
I just never thought I would be so sad about a house. It seems so weird to imagine other people living in that house after almost 27 years.
Goodbye, little house on Dawn Drive. I miss you already.
This day has been coming for a long time; it was not a surprise. Hell, they've had their new house (5 minutes away from my sister's house) since June if not before. I went home in April to help go through things from the garage, the attic, the storage locker. So no, the sale itself was not a surprise.
But yet, hearing the news was a shock to my system. I'm very sad, and I'm sure it is because this definitively closes the chapter on my childhood. Good Lord, I'm in my late 30s, so childhood is a distant memory. I don't know why this house sale is affecting me so much.
The three of us grew up in that house. That's where we got ready for dates, proms, graduations. Where we ate breakfast together in the mornings before getting ready for school. Where we ate dinner together every night as a family.
We had so many Christmases and Thanksgivings there, even after we'd all gone to college, moved off, gotten married, had kids.
That is the first grandparents' house KB ever knew. He had been there often enough that he remembered where things were from visit to visit. When we brought him home last year for Christmas, I went in first with the camera, hoping to capture his wide-eyed expression at seeing Nana's big Christmas tree. Instead, he bypassed the tree entirely and ran straight for the toybox, which hadn't moved from its position the previous visit.
There are just so many memories. But as my mom said, she and my dad don't really have roots in that little small town anymore. A lot of memories, yes, but no roots. It is time to move on.
I just never thought I would be so sad about a house. It seems so weird to imagine other people living in that house after almost 27 years.
Goodbye, little house on Dawn Drive. I miss you already.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Well, that sucked
Had my follicle scan this morning at the fertility clinic. The news was not good.
My dominant follicle is on the right side. Yes, the same right side that showed up as blocked on my HSG a few years ago. And even though it's the dominant follicle, it's still puny -- only 12mm.
On the left side is one little follicle, 9mm.
The doctor said it's possible that the 9mm follicle will catch up to the 12mm one.
What's really disappointing about this is that I've already taken Clomid (100mg) for 5 days and 150 iU of Gonal-F. This is the protocol that worked for us last time. I know I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up that it would work so quickly, but I did.
For reference, on the cycle we conceived KB, I had 3 follicles at 20mm and above on this same cycle day (CD 13). We did our IUI the next day.
Needless to say, my follicles still have some growing to do. So I'll finish off what's in the Gonal-F pen (there should be 225 iU left) over the next 2 nights, and we'll see how things look on Monday morning.
I was really hoping things would work on the first try this time. Now I have to figure out how many cycles we're willing to try, and how far we're willing to go, to have another baby.
My dominant follicle is on the right side. Yes, the same right side that showed up as blocked on my HSG a few years ago. And even though it's the dominant follicle, it's still puny -- only 12mm.
On the left side is one little follicle, 9mm.
The doctor said it's possible that the 9mm follicle will catch up to the 12mm one.
What's really disappointing about this is that I've already taken Clomid (100mg) for 5 days and 150 iU of Gonal-F. This is the protocol that worked for us last time. I know I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up that it would work so quickly, but I did.
For reference, on the cycle we conceived KB, I had 3 follicles at 20mm and above on this same cycle day (CD 13). We did our IUI the next day.
Needless to say, my follicles still have some growing to do. So I'll finish off what's in the Gonal-F pen (there should be 225 iU left) over the next 2 nights, and we'll see how things look on Monday morning.
I was really hoping things would work on the first try this time. Now I have to figure out how many cycles we're willing to try, and how far we're willing to go, to have another baby.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Sneak peak, Halloween costume
Take two...let's see if this works any better...
Better pictures to come...
Better pictures to come...
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Sleep struggles and successes
I know the minute I write this down, it's all going to go down the toilet.
Since we got back from India, something very unexpected has happened: KB has been waking up later in the mornings. We had gotten used to his waking up anywhere between 5 and 5:30 a.m. So painful.
Ever since we got back, though, he's been sleeping until 6:30 or so. This morning, he didn't wake up until 7:20!! He was asleep by around 8:20 last night. 11 hours of sleep at night is just about unheard of for KB, except when he is sick.
Of course, he is still NOT sleeping through the night most nights. Last night, for example, he was up twice. Once around 10:30 or 11, and again around 1:30 -- both times asking for water.
I wasn't surprised he was tired last night. I took him to this indoor play place called The Jungle and we crawled through tunnels and slid down slides for a couple of hours, then we had swimming lessons after that. I guess if I could keep up that level of activity every day...
Still, I wish I knew the magic incantation for getting him to sleep until at least 7 am on a regular basis. Keeping him up later at night is not the answer. He still wakes up at roughly the same time, even if he goes to bed at 10 or 11 at night.
And I don't know if he will ever sleep through the night consistently. I kept holding out for 2 years as the "magic" age when everything would fall into place and he'd suddenly start sleeping through. Nope, hasn't happened yet.
Of course, the time change in a few weeks will screw all this up anyway. Hmmm, just noticed we don't set our clocks back until November 4th. That's good. Maybe we'll have another month of decent wake-up times. Knock on wood.
Since we got back from India, something very unexpected has happened: KB has been waking up later in the mornings. We had gotten used to his waking up anywhere between 5 and 5:30 a.m. So painful.
Ever since we got back, though, he's been sleeping until 6:30 or so. This morning, he didn't wake up until 7:20!! He was asleep by around 8:20 last night. 11 hours of sleep at night is just about unheard of for KB, except when he is sick.
Of course, he is still NOT sleeping through the night most nights. Last night, for example, he was up twice. Once around 10:30 or 11, and again around 1:30 -- both times asking for water.
I wasn't surprised he was tired last night. I took him to this indoor play place called The Jungle and we crawled through tunnels and slid down slides for a couple of hours, then we had swimming lessons after that. I guess if I could keep up that level of activity every day...
Still, I wish I knew the magic incantation for getting him to sleep until at least 7 am on a regular basis. Keeping him up later at night is not the answer. He still wakes up at roughly the same time, even if he goes to bed at 10 or 11 at night.
And I don't know if he will ever sleep through the night consistently. I kept holding out for 2 years as the "magic" age when everything would fall into place and he'd suddenly start sleeping through. Nope, hasn't happened yet.
Of course, the time change in a few weeks will screw all this up anyway. Hmmm, just noticed we don't set our clocks back until November 4th. That's good. Maybe we'll have another month of decent wake-up times. Knock on wood.
CD4, Clomid checks and drugs
CD4. Nothing really to report on that front. I will start Clomid tomorrow and will hope desperately for no side effects (headaches, bitchiness, moodiness, crying for no reason, etc).
Went in this morning for my Clomid check. I don't know why I thought I would get an ultrasound to check my ovaries for cysts. I guess it's been a long time since I've done the infertility drill. Instead, everything was done "manually", and even that is more information than anyone reading this blog could possibly want.
The nurse who did my check surprised the hell out of me by walking into the room and giving me a huge hug while I was sitting on the exam table. Not that I minded the hug; I was just very surprised. I saw this particular nurse quite a lot back in 2004 when we were trying to get pregnant. She asked if I'd had a girl or a boy, asked his age, etc. Then she told me that she herself had been an infertility patient. I had no idea.
She said she'd done several IUIs and was preparing to go back home to Iran for IVF (much cheaper there, she said) when she got pregnant naturally. Now she has 2 kids.
Anyway, this particular nurse is a rock star because when she heard that our new insurance doesn't cover infertility drugs, she went and got me a Gonal-F pen from the sample closet. Now I have enough Gonal-F to do this cycle and next, if things come to that.
I didn't realize how much these drugs cost. When I took my prescription to Long's the other night, the pharmacist called me a couple of hours later to say that my insurance didn't cover the meds. Gonal-F alone was going to be upwards of $200 for the single dose I need. Yikes!
So the sample pen from the fertility clinic is very much appreciated. And I found a mail-order pharmacy where the other meds will be cheaper than they would be at Long's.
If I'd known how much this was going to cost out of pocket, I would have looked for a full-time job with good health insurance, rather than continuing the contracting gig. S's health insurance sucks now since they switched from Blue Cross.
Oh well. Live and learn. Fingers crossed this cycle just works.
Went in this morning for my Clomid check. I don't know why I thought I would get an ultrasound to check my ovaries for cysts. I guess it's been a long time since I've done the infertility drill. Instead, everything was done "manually", and even that is more information than anyone reading this blog could possibly want.
The nurse who did my check surprised the hell out of me by walking into the room and giving me a huge hug while I was sitting on the exam table. Not that I minded the hug; I was just very surprised. I saw this particular nurse quite a lot back in 2004 when we were trying to get pregnant. She asked if I'd had a girl or a boy, asked his age, etc. Then she told me that she herself had been an infertility patient. I had no idea.
She said she'd done several IUIs and was preparing to go back home to Iran for IVF (much cheaper there, she said) when she got pregnant naturally. Now she has 2 kids.
Anyway, this particular nurse is a rock star because when she heard that our new insurance doesn't cover infertility drugs, she went and got me a Gonal-F pen from the sample closet. Now I have enough Gonal-F to do this cycle and next, if things come to that.
I didn't realize how much these drugs cost. When I took my prescription to Long's the other night, the pharmacist called me a couple of hours later to say that my insurance didn't cover the meds. Gonal-F alone was going to be upwards of $200 for the single dose I need. Yikes!
So the sample pen from the fertility clinic is very much appreciated. And I found a mail-order pharmacy where the other meds will be cheaper than they would be at Long's.
If I'd known how much this was going to cost out of pocket, I would have looked for a full-time job with good health insurance, rather than continuing the contracting gig. S's health insurance sucks now since they switched from Blue Cross.
Oh well. Live and learn. Fingers crossed this cycle just works.
Monday, October 1, 2007
On with the show
Appointment is set for 10 am Wednesday.
Drugs have been ordered and should be ready for pickup tomorrow afternoon.
Prenatal vitamins are being ingested. Ooops, forgot them this morning.
I still vacillate between being excited and wondering what the hell I'm doing.
I very much want KB to have a sibling, but I am worried about having another child as, um, "spirited" as KB is. Will I actually have the energy to keep up with two of them?
Drugs have been ordered and should be ready for pickup tomorrow afternoon.
Prenatal vitamins are being ingested. Ooops, forgot them this morning.
I still vacillate between being excited and wondering what the hell I'm doing.
I very much want KB to have a sibling, but I am worried about having another child as, um, "spirited" as KB is. Will I actually have the energy to keep up with two of them?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
CD1
Huzzah!
Tomorrow morning I'll call the clinic to set up the appointment for my Clomid cycle review. I should go to the pharmacy sometime tomorrow to get my prescriptions filled. Looks like I'll be starting Clomid on Thursday the 4th. Oh goody. Just in time for Disneyland. Happiest place on Earth, indeed.
Interestingly, exactly 3 years ago today, I started the cycle that ultimately gave us KB.
How can I not get my hopes up with a coincidence like that?
Tomorrow morning I'll call the clinic to set up the appointment for my Clomid cycle review. I should go to the pharmacy sometime tomorrow to get my prescriptions filled. Looks like I'll be starting Clomid on Thursday the 4th. Oh goody. Just in time for Disneyland. Happiest place on Earth, indeed.
Interestingly, exactly 3 years ago today, I started the cycle that ultimately gave us KB.
How can I not get my hopes up with a coincidence like that?
Friday, September 28, 2007
The impending cycle of something something
Hear that sound?
That's my foot, impatiently tapping. Awaiting my period so we can get this show on the road.
I got my last period towards the end of the India trip, August 30. I was expecting this cycle to start yesterday or today. There is no sign of it whatsoever, not even spotting.
Figures. The one time I actually want it to start.
And no, I'm not pregnant. Unless that was not a real period at the end of August. And with the number of glasses of wine I've had in the last couple of weeks, we're not even thinking about that.
That's my foot, impatiently tapping. Awaiting my period so we can get this show on the road.
I got my last period towards the end of the India trip, August 30. I was expecting this cycle to start yesterday or today. There is no sign of it whatsoever, not even spotting.
Figures. The one time I actually want it to start.
And no, I'm not pregnant. Unless that was not a real period at the end of August. And with the number of glasses of wine I've had in the last couple of weeks, we're not even thinking about that.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Grrr
People who spend the bulk of their day gabbing on the phone (whether personal or business) should NOT be seated next to developers and engineers!!
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
P.S.
I know I still need to post about the India trip and KB's illness/hospital visit.
Work is swallowing me whole right now, but I'm hoping after the launch this coming Friday, things will settle down A LOT and I'll have copious amounts of free time for things like blogging.
Not to mention things like washing dishes, cleaning the house, doing laundry...
Work is swallowing me whole right now, but I'm hoping after the launch this coming Friday, things will settle down A LOT and I'll have copious amounts of free time for things like blogging.
Not to mention things like washing dishes, cleaning the house, doing laundry...
Happy Anniversary to us
8 years. Good grief, it doesn't seem like 8 years.
We didn't do anything terribly exciting. Back in 2003, we happened to be in London during our anniversary and we thought we would start an oh-so-clever tradition of being in a different city for every anniversary.
2003: London
2004: New York City
2005: San Francisco (KB was 2.5 months old and anything more seemed impractical)
2006: San Diego
Our 2007 anniversary was spent in...drumroll please...Gilroy, California.
We're getting lazy. And it's much harder to travel and do Terribly Exciting Things with the munchkin.
Anyway, we did have fun today. We went to a theme park called Gilroy Gardens. KB loves riding the rides there and it's a fun way to get outdoors and be together.
Our big anniversary trip is going to be in a couple of weeks when we head down to Disneyland. We had originally thought we'd go for our anniversary weekend but then I read about how cute/fun Disneyland is at Halloween.
Funny how life is all about the kiddos now. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on Clomid at least part of the time we're in Anaheim. I just hope it doesn't make me a raging beeyotch as it has in the past.
We didn't do anything terribly exciting. Back in 2003, we happened to be in London during our anniversary and we thought we would start an oh-so-clever tradition of being in a different city for every anniversary.
2003: London
2004: New York City
2005: San Francisco (KB was 2.5 months old and anything more seemed impractical)
2006: San Diego
Our 2007 anniversary was spent in...drumroll please...Gilroy, California.
We're getting lazy. And it's much harder to travel and do Terribly Exciting Things with the munchkin.
Anyway, we did have fun today. We went to a theme park called Gilroy Gardens. KB loves riding the rides there and it's a fun way to get outdoors and be together.
Our big anniversary trip is going to be in a couple of weeks when we head down to Disneyland. We had originally thought we'd go for our anniversary weekend but then I read about how cute/fun Disneyland is at Halloween.
Funny how life is all about the kiddos now. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on Clomid at least part of the time we're in Anaheim. I just hope it doesn't make me a raging beeyotch as it has in the past.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
We're back
And I am so. frickin. tired.
Check the time stamp -- it's nearly 3 am and I'm awake. I think I would be peacefully snoozing if some small person hadn't woken up at 12:30 and insisted that it was time to wake up.
He was back to sleep at 1:45 after MUCH pleading and cajoling. Now I'm wide awake.
Need to sleep.
Will post about our trip when we're all better rested. The last 2 nights, KB woke up at 2:15 am (up for the day -- painful) and 2:30 am (went back to sleep from 3:45 to 6:30). Not sure why he is progressing backwards, waking up even earlier tonight.
I will say that if you're ever in Bangalore and find yourself in need of a hospital so your child can be admitted for IV fluids to combat dehydration caused by vomiting and diarrhea, I now know just the place.
Yeah. Our trip was that good.
Check the time stamp -- it's nearly 3 am and I'm awake. I think I would be peacefully snoozing if some small person hadn't woken up at 12:30 and insisted that it was time to wake up.
He was back to sleep at 1:45 after MUCH pleading and cajoling. Now I'm wide awake.
Need to sleep.
Will post about our trip when we're all better rested. The last 2 nights, KB woke up at 2:15 am (up for the day -- painful) and 2:30 am (went back to sleep from 3:45 to 6:30). Not sure why he is progressing backwards, waking up even earlier tonight.
I will say that if you're ever in Bangalore and find yourself in need of a hospital so your child can be admitted for IV fluids to combat dehydration caused by vomiting and diarrhea, I now know just the place.
Yeah. Our trip was that good.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Back in the game
Weird: Being in the 'feminine products' aisle at the store, comparing prices on ovulation test kits.
Weirder: Having your 2-year-old carry said kit around the grocery store instead of letting you put it in the cart where it belongs.
Weirdest: Peeing on a stick and having said 2-year-old come into the bathroom saying "Whatcha doin', Mommy?!"
Negative OPK. Not surprised. I'm on CD12. Couple more days at least.
Good grief, it's so strange to be back in this world again.
May have to have S reschedule his portion of our fertility testing, though, since he is supposed to abstain for 48 hours before providing his, um, sample to the lab.
I know, you really wanted to know about my sex life.
Weirder: Having your 2-year-old carry said kit around the grocery store instead of letting you put it in the cart where it belongs.
Weirdest: Peeing on a stick and having said 2-year-old come into the bathroom saying "Whatcha doin', Mommy?!"
Negative OPK. Not surprised. I'm on CD12. Couple more days at least.
Good grief, it's so strange to be back in this world again.
May have to have S reschedule his portion of our fertility testing, though, since he is supposed to abstain for 48 hours before providing his, um, sample to the lab.
I know, you really wanted to know about my sex life.
Whose sari now?
We are going to India for a cousin's wedding. This will be only my second Indian wedding besides my own (very simple, at a relative's house).
I know, of course, what is expected of me in the dress department. I will be required to wear a sari. I own all of 2 saris (one simple, one more elaborate) and have worn each of them a grand total of: once. The simple one I wore for my own wedding in India, and the more elaborate one for a cousin-in-law's.
The only other time I have needed a sari, for my bangle ceremony during my pregnancy, I borrowed one from S's cousin.
Saris are not cheap, and I don't have occasion to wear one very often. Not to mention that I have absolutely no clue how to do all the folding and wrapping required to actually do the wearing.
So, it has been decided that I will borrow a sari from one of the female relatives when I am in India. That is not a huge issue; I'm sure they have stacks and stacks of saris among them.
But I have only a handful of blouses to wear underneath the actual sari. Most of them are quite plain and won't go well with an elaborate sari with all the gold stitching. I have 2 blouses with gold stitching, each a different shade of pink. I tried them on this morning to see if they still fit (I last wore them in 2000).
Oops.
So I have 13 days to lose a bit of bustline (I don't think the girls went back to their pre-KB size after pregnancy & nursing) and to tone up my arms a little.
I guess I should have tried on my blouses a few weeks ago!
I know, of course, what is expected of me in the dress department. I will be required to wear a sari. I own all of 2 saris (one simple, one more elaborate) and have worn each of them a grand total of: once. The simple one I wore for my own wedding in India, and the more elaborate one for a cousin-in-law's.
The only other time I have needed a sari, for my bangle ceremony during my pregnancy, I borrowed one from S's cousin.
Saris are not cheap, and I don't have occasion to wear one very often. Not to mention that I have absolutely no clue how to do all the folding and wrapping required to actually do the wearing.
So, it has been decided that I will borrow a sari from one of the female relatives when I am in India. That is not a huge issue; I'm sure they have stacks and stacks of saris among them.
But I have only a handful of blouses to wear underneath the actual sari. Most of them are quite plain and won't go well with an elaborate sari with all the gold stitching. I have 2 blouses with gold stitching, each a different shade of pink. I tried them on this morning to see if they still fit (I last wore them in 2000).
Oops.
So I have 13 days to lose a bit of bustline (I don't think the girls went back to their pre-KB size after pregnancy & nursing) and to tone up my arms a little.
I guess I should have tried on my blouses a few weeks ago!
Always
Whenever we go on a trip, we always manage to load up our calendar just before we leave. Always. Then I get stressed out and vow NEVER AGAIN to do this to myself.
And yet.
We leave on Saturday night. This weekend we cleaned on Saturday, hosted relatives and a couple of friends on Sunday, then spent Sunday evening after KB went to sleep cleaning up the kitchen. 2 loads in the dishwasher and there are still a bunch of dishes in the sink to wash by hand.
At least there were quite a few leftovers yesterday and people left most of them at our place, so maybe we won't have to cook much this week. Although I must say, I get tired of South Indian food pretty fast, especially when I know I'm going to have to eat it 3 meals a day for 2 solid weeks pretty soon.
Anyway, on to my current stress. Wednesday night a realtor is coming over to talk to us about listing our house (she wanted to start showing it while we were gone. Gulp! No way we can do that).
Thursday afternoon is a birthday party for the little neighbor boy that KB loves. Yes, Thursday. Afternoon. Birthday boy's mom said the party venue was completely booked on weekends in August so she chose a Thursday afternoon. Never mind that Thursday is one of my work days. Or that the party time, 1:45 pm, is in the middle of KB's nap. But I will feel horribly guilty if we don't go, since the neighbors came to KB's birthday party in July.
Friday is normally a day I stay home with KB, but I think I'm going to have to make up Thursday's work and put KB in day care that day. Friday evening S's company is having their 2nd annual "get together" at the San Mateo County Fair. And possibly Friday night, we'll go to pick up S's cousin from Oakland, bring her down here to stay the night with us, and shuttle her to the airport on Saturday afternoon.
Our flight is Saturday night -- technically Sunday morning -- around 1 am as per usual with these Asian flights.
Oh, and of course, I haven't done ANY packing yet.
Why do I do this?
And yet.
We leave on Saturday night. This weekend we cleaned on Saturday, hosted relatives and a couple of friends on Sunday, then spent Sunday evening after KB went to sleep cleaning up the kitchen. 2 loads in the dishwasher and there are still a bunch of dishes in the sink to wash by hand.
At least there were quite a few leftovers yesterday and people left most of them at our place, so maybe we won't have to cook much this week. Although I must say, I get tired of South Indian food pretty fast, especially when I know I'm going to have to eat it 3 meals a day for 2 solid weeks pretty soon.
Anyway, on to my current stress. Wednesday night a realtor is coming over to talk to us about listing our house (she wanted to start showing it while we were gone. Gulp! No way we can do that).
Thursday afternoon is a birthday party for the little neighbor boy that KB loves. Yes, Thursday. Afternoon. Birthday boy's mom said the party venue was completely booked on weekends in August so she chose a Thursday afternoon. Never mind that Thursday is one of my work days. Or that the party time, 1:45 pm, is in the middle of KB's nap. But I will feel horribly guilty if we don't go, since the neighbors came to KB's birthday party in July.
Friday is normally a day I stay home with KB, but I think I'm going to have to make up Thursday's work and put KB in day care that day. Friday evening S's company is having their 2nd annual "get together" at the San Mateo County Fair. And possibly Friday night, we'll go to pick up S's cousin from Oakland, bring her down here to stay the night with us, and shuttle her to the airport on Saturday afternoon.
Our flight is Saturday night -- technically Sunday morning -- around 1 am as per usual with these Asian flights.
Oh, and of course, I haven't done ANY packing yet.
Why do I do this?
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Whoopie
Happy Birthday to me. Well, in about 1.5 hours, at least.
What don't I want for my birthday? How about a dozen of S's relatives coming over for a lunch that we rescheduled from a couple of weeks ago because of KB getting sick. Oops, too late.
Yes, thanks dear, for rescheduling YOUR family lunch on my birthday.
Not that I enjoyed spending my Birthday Eve cleaning, but at least the downstairs looks presentable. Of course, that's at the expense of the 2 downstairs closets and various nooks and crannies upstairs.
Anyway. Should get some sleep. If tonight is anything like last night, there will be wake-up calls at midnight and again at 6 am.
Why did I get my hopes up about KB starting to sleep through the night once he turned 2?
What don't I want for my birthday? How about a dozen of S's relatives coming over for a lunch that we rescheduled from a couple of weeks ago because of KB getting sick. Oops, too late.
Yes, thanks dear, for rescheduling YOUR family lunch on my birthday.
Not that I enjoyed spending my Birthday Eve cleaning, but at least the downstairs looks presentable. Of course, that's at the expense of the 2 downstairs closets and various nooks and crannies upstairs.
Anyway. Should get some sleep. If tonight is anything like last night, there will be wake-up calls at midnight and again at 6 am.
Why did I get my hopes up about KB starting to sleep through the night once he turned 2?
My loving boy
So I don't forget this sweet moment...
Every night, part of our bedtime ritual is walking KB around his room, saying goodnight to his books, toys, piggy bank, etc. One of the objects that we tell 'goodnight' is a framed photo of his cousin Aadi. KB and Aadi are best buddies. Our houses are only 10 minutes apart and so the boys usually get to see each other at least once or twice a week.
Last night, KB picked up the photo of Aadi, as he does every night. I said "Goodnight, buddy!" and completely unprompted, KB said:
"I love you, Aadi. See ya at the swimming lessons!"
It was so. unbelievably. sweet.
Every night, part of our bedtime ritual is walking KB around his room, saying goodnight to his books, toys, piggy bank, etc. One of the objects that we tell 'goodnight' is a framed photo of his cousin Aadi. KB and Aadi are best buddies. Our houses are only 10 minutes apart and so the boys usually get to see each other at least once or twice a week.
Last night, KB picked up the photo of Aadi, as he does every night. I said "Goodnight, buddy!" and completely unprompted, KB said:
"I love you, Aadi. See ya at the swimming lessons!"
It was so. unbelievably. sweet.
Friday, August 10, 2007
How do you blog?
It's funny that PithyDithy wrote today about whether her friends/family (aside from those she already knows about) read her blog.
You will notice that I call my son "KB" instead of his real name. Part of this is an attempt to hide from the weird stalker who found my pregnancy blog. But most of it is an attempt not to be Google-able.
I have lots of things I want to write about, and many of them involve family. I've been hesitant to blog about anything too personal because I don't want S's family or mine to read about themselves here. I can just imagine the shitstorm it would cause.
I've thought about using aliases for everyone's name, but that would get complicated, trying to keep everyone straight. Hmmm, maybe I could just write people's names backwards. :-)
Ugh, it's hard to keep my concentration when "Finding Nemo" is on in the background. Hope I can return to this subject in a bit.
In the meantime, how do you blog? Do you just write whatever and hope that no one you know IRL finds your blog?
You will notice that I call my son "KB" instead of his real name. Part of this is an attempt to hide from the weird stalker who found my pregnancy blog. But most of it is an attempt not to be Google-able.
I have lots of things I want to write about, and many of them involve family. I've been hesitant to blog about anything too personal because I don't want S's family or mine to read about themselves here. I can just imagine the shitstorm it would cause.
I've thought about using aliases for everyone's name, but that would get complicated, trying to keep everyone straight. Hmmm, maybe I could just write people's names backwards. :-)
Ugh, it's hard to keep my concentration when "Finding Nemo" is on in the background. Hope I can return to this subject in a bit.
In the meantime, how do you blog? Do you just write whatever and hope that no one you know IRL finds your blog?
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Shop til you drop
I confess: I love to shop.
Not for myself, really. I like shopping for baby/kid stuff.
And I like online shopping -- comparing prices, looking for the best deals, trying to get the lowest possible price through a combination of sales, coupons, free shipping, and money back from Ebates.
So when my SIL in Bangkok asked me to pick up some things and bring them when we visit in a few weeks, I was pretty happy to oblige.
Now after a few days of trying to chase deals, I'm tired, and I'm positive I'm not going to like it when my credit card bill comes this month.
It's strange -- you would think that prices on just about anything, including baby gear, would be much cheaper in Asia. But as we found out in February when we tried to buy KB a Pack-n-Play there -- au contraire! The Pack-n-Play was ridiculously expensive, and apparently so are most baby things that we get quite easily and reasonably-priced here.
So here's my shopping list:
- breast pump
- nursing pads
- baby monitor
- breastfeeding book
- baby care books
I got her an extra set of flanges/collection bottles as well. I remember those days of frantically washing pump equipment to get it ready for the next use. An extra set of collection tools really came in handy.
I also got her the Avent conversion kit, for collecting milk directly into the Avent bottles that I hope she is still using. I wish I had had this when I was pumping for KB.
Initially, SIL just wanted me to loan her my breast pump. But as I did some research, I realized that even the pump I own (the Ameda Purely Yours) is meant to be only a single-user system. Especially with the twins being a wee bit early (36.5 weeks), I don't want to take a chance with sharing my used breast pump.
Aside: What *does* one do with a used breast pump, anyway, if they're not meant to be shared? Of course, I hope we will use ours again in the next year or so, but what then? Can they be sterilized for re-use? Surely they don't all end up in the landfill.
Anyway, I think I am done shopping except for one more book. I need to pick up one of the week-by-week milestone books, but I think I'll snag that at the bookstore sometime this week.
Oh, and maybe some DHA supplements. Or not. I just read what kellymom had to say about that, and it seems supplementing is not recommended.
Hmm. Did you take any DHA supplements while breastfeeding/pumping? I took them the whole time. Whoops.
Not for myself, really. I like shopping for baby/kid stuff.
And I like online shopping -- comparing prices, looking for the best deals, trying to get the lowest possible price through a combination of sales, coupons, free shipping, and money back from Ebates.
So when my SIL in Bangkok asked me to pick up some things and bring them when we visit in a few weeks, I was pretty happy to oblige.
Now after a few days of trying to chase deals, I'm tired, and I'm positive I'm not going to like it when my credit card bill comes this month.
It's strange -- you would think that prices on just about anything, including baby gear, would be much cheaper in Asia. But as we found out in February when we tried to buy KB a Pack-n-Play there -- au contraire! The Pack-n-Play was ridiculously expensive, and apparently so are most baby things that we get quite easily and reasonably-priced here.
So here's my shopping list:
- breast pump
- nursing pads
- baby monitor
- breastfeeding book
- baby care books
I got her an extra set of flanges/collection bottles as well. I remember those days of frantically washing pump equipment to get it ready for the next use. An extra set of collection tools really came in handy.
I also got her the Avent conversion kit, for collecting milk directly into the Avent bottles that I hope she is still using. I wish I had had this when I was pumping for KB.
Initially, SIL just wanted me to loan her my breast pump. But as I did some research, I realized that even the pump I own (the Ameda Purely Yours) is meant to be only a single-user system. Especially with the twins being a wee bit early (36.5 weeks), I don't want to take a chance with sharing my used breast pump.
Aside: What *does* one do with a used breast pump, anyway, if they're not meant to be shared? Of course, I hope we will use ours again in the next year or so, but what then? Can they be sterilized for re-use? Surely they don't all end up in the landfill.
Anyway, I think I am done shopping except for one more book. I need to pick up one of the week-by-week milestone books, but I think I'll snag that at the bookstore sometime this week.
Oh, and maybe some DHA supplements. Or not. I just read what kellymom had to say about that, and it seems supplementing is not recommended.
Hmm. Did you take any DHA supplements while breastfeeding/pumping? I took them the whole time. Whoops.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Where does he get this stuff?
Saturday at "Day Out with Thomas", KB was running too fast (as usual) and tripped over his own feet. He didn't cry, just got up and brushed it off. I didn't notice until later that he had scabs on both knees and on one arm. He is one rough-and-tumble kid.
Since then, every time we change his diaper, he tells us "I fell down, hurt my boo-boos".
Today I told him "We call that 'skinning your knees'. You skinned your knees."
He tried to repeat: "I crin'd my knees."
This led to, "I cracked my knees like a peanut."
Pause.
"I cracked my knees like the elephant's peanut."
It's so fun to watch his little mind make connections.
Naptime. Time for a shower and 'maintenance' since it's swimming lessons with Mommy in the pool tonight...
Since then, every time we change his diaper, he tells us "I fell down, hurt my boo-boos".
Today I told him "We call that 'skinning your knees'. You skinned your knees."
He tried to repeat: "I crin'd my knees."
This led to, "I cracked my knees like a peanut."
Pause.
"I cracked my knees like the elephant's peanut."
It's so fun to watch his little mind make connections.
Naptime. Time for a shower and 'maintenance' since it's swimming lessons with Mommy in the pool tonight...
Saturday, August 4, 2007
CD3 bloodwork and upcoming travels
Ah.
KB woke up from his nap after 1 hour, 20 minutes and S 'volunteered' to go put him back to sleep. Now I can hear his snores coming from KB's room.
So I finished packing our diaper bag/backpack, unloaded the dishwasher and put the breakfast dishes in it, transferred the jeans & shorts to the dryer and now here I am. Gosh, I hardly know what to do with myself. (Biiiiig rolling of the eyes there)
This morning I had the pleasure of going to the lab downstairs from the fertility clinic to get my CD3 (that's Cycle Day 3) bloodwork done. They took 4 vials of blood. No big deal -- I'm not squeamish, I've got great big veins, and I bleed quickly, so I was in and out in no time at all.
I didn't really look at the lab slip to see what they're checking me for. FSH, I know. That's the biggie. That will give us an idea of my ovarian reserve, which is important since I am so old now. (Aside: I remember when I was young, and I thought I would have 2 kids by age 30 and CERTAINLY I would be all done with my childbearing by age 35. Bwahahahaha!)
The lab will send the results directly to the clinic and then we'll go from there. I looked more closely at my instruction sheet and it clearly stated that the patient is NOT to start injectibles before all bloodwork and labwork is done, by both partners. So we couldn't have done this cycle anyway. Whew. I was starting to feel guilty over my ambivalence.
Maybe I will be more excited about everything after we get back from India. I'm just not looking forward to the trip. Some of it is the madness that is traveling with a toddler. Some of it is the sheer boredom of sitting around my IL's house in India with absolutely nothing to do. KB is doing to be bored out of his mind. When he went at 6 months old, he wasn't even crawling yet. He lay on a blanket and was happy to play with rattles and small toys and to have people go 'cootchie cootchie coo'.
When we go to India, we don't travel anywhere within the country. We go to my IL's house and we stay there. We will take a day trip to their temple town, but that's it. Never been to Goa, never been to see the Taj Mahal, etc. I want to *see* something besides the inside of my IL's apartment.
Ugh. I'd much rather be heading to some beach instead. Give me Hawaii any day!!
The one saving grace is getting to see the baby twins in Bangkok on the way to India. Now if I could just stop myself from buying them all sorts of cute little girl clothes. I'm going to need a suitcase just for their things!
KB woke up from his nap after 1 hour, 20 minutes and S 'volunteered' to go put him back to sleep. Now I can hear his snores coming from KB's room.
So I finished packing our diaper bag/backpack, unloaded the dishwasher and put the breakfast dishes in it, transferred the jeans & shorts to the dryer and now here I am. Gosh, I hardly know what to do with myself. (Biiiiig rolling of the eyes there)
This morning I had the pleasure of going to the lab downstairs from the fertility clinic to get my CD3 (that's Cycle Day 3) bloodwork done. They took 4 vials of blood. No big deal -- I'm not squeamish, I've got great big veins, and I bleed quickly, so I was in and out in no time at all.
I didn't really look at the lab slip to see what they're checking me for. FSH, I know. That's the biggie. That will give us an idea of my ovarian reserve, which is important since I am so old now. (Aside: I remember when I was young, and I thought I would have 2 kids by age 30 and CERTAINLY I would be all done with my childbearing by age 35. Bwahahahaha!)
The lab will send the results directly to the clinic and then we'll go from there. I looked more closely at my instruction sheet and it clearly stated that the patient is NOT to start injectibles before all bloodwork and labwork is done, by both partners. So we couldn't have done this cycle anyway. Whew. I was starting to feel guilty over my ambivalence.
Maybe I will be more excited about everything after we get back from India. I'm just not looking forward to the trip. Some of it is the madness that is traveling with a toddler. Some of it is the sheer boredom of sitting around my IL's house in India with absolutely nothing to do. KB is doing to be bored out of his mind. When he went at 6 months old, he wasn't even crawling yet. He lay on a blanket and was happy to play with rattles and small toys and to have people go 'cootchie cootchie coo'.
When we go to India, we don't travel anywhere within the country. We go to my IL's house and we stay there. We will take a day trip to their temple town, but that's it. Never been to Goa, never been to see the Taj Mahal, etc. I want to *see* something besides the inside of my IL's apartment.
Ugh. I'd much rather be heading to some beach instead. Give me Hawaii any day!!
The one saving grace is getting to see the baby twins in Bangkok on the way to India. Now if I could just stop myself from buying them all sorts of cute little girl clothes. I'm going to need a suitcase just for their things!
Why is it...
that during KB's nap,
I am running to Babies R Us to look at breast pumps & baby monitors for SIL, coming home to throw a load of KB's jeans and shorts in the washer, then folding the socks & underwear & t-shirts that have been sitting in the dryer since Thursday...
And S is downstairs watching Formula 1 racing, reading Time magazine, and dozing on the couch?
Gotta go get KB's backpack ready for Day Out with Thomas. Leaving when he wakes up from his nap.
I cannot even imagine life with a helpful spouse. Sigh.
I am running to Babies R Us to look at breast pumps & baby monitors for SIL, coming home to throw a load of KB's jeans and shorts in the washer, then folding the socks & underwear & t-shirts that have been sitting in the dryer since Thursday...
And S is downstairs watching Formula 1 racing, reading Time magazine, and dozing on the couch?
Gotta go get KB's backpack ready for Day Out with Thomas. Leaving when he wakes up from his nap.
I cannot even imagine life with a helpful spouse. Sigh.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Blah
A bit of progress (?) this morning.
At 2 am, KB woke up and was really distraught. This wasn't the usual fussing in his crib. I was pretty out of it, so I just went into his room, patted his back and shh'd him, and crashed on the comforter next to his bed.
5:45 he woke up. Somehow I was able to get him to lie back down by telling him the sun was still sleeping and he needed to sleep more too.
6:40 he was up for good. I can handle 6:40 a hell of a lot better than 5:40.
Thought I might get to hand him off to S and catch a few more winks, since I slept on the hard floor, but no dice. He said he had a terrible headache and wanted to sleep it off.
Took KB downstairs, read books, fed him breakfast, etc. Took him upstairs around 8:30 to wake S up, since I figured otherwise he'd be pissy about being late for work. He wanted to sleep more.
He slept til 10:45.
Now even when I have felt the crappiest, with sinus infections and hellacious sinus headaches, the whole 9 yards, the latest I have been "allowed" to sleep in is 9:00.
Can you tell I am highly annoyed?
KB is napping right now (that is another story, how S just came in and woke him up as he was drifting off to sleep to ask a question that IN NO WAY needed to be answered right that minute. Grrrr.) so I'd better grab some winks while I can.
Maybe later I can blog about my lack of enthu for all the bloodwork and stuff I need to get done, probably tomorrow. My period started after I got home from work Wednesday, so I guess technically that is Cycle Day 1 and this is Cycle Day 3, but it's supposed to be a fasting test blah blah blah and so I think I'll just go in the morning.
Can you believe there are people in this world who just HAVE SEX and get pregnant?!? I know!!
At 2 am, KB woke up and was really distraught. This wasn't the usual fussing in his crib. I was pretty out of it, so I just went into his room, patted his back and shh'd him, and crashed on the comforter next to his bed.
5:45 he woke up. Somehow I was able to get him to lie back down by telling him the sun was still sleeping and he needed to sleep more too.
6:40 he was up for good. I can handle 6:40 a hell of a lot better than 5:40.
Thought I might get to hand him off to S and catch a few more winks, since I slept on the hard floor, but no dice. He said he had a terrible headache and wanted to sleep it off.
Took KB downstairs, read books, fed him breakfast, etc. Took him upstairs around 8:30 to wake S up, since I figured otherwise he'd be pissy about being late for work. He wanted to sleep more.
He slept til 10:45.
Now even when I have felt the crappiest, with sinus infections and hellacious sinus headaches, the whole 9 yards, the latest I have been "allowed" to sleep in is 9:00.
Can you tell I am highly annoyed?
KB is napping right now (that is another story, how S just came in and woke him up as he was drifting off to sleep to ask a question that IN NO WAY needed to be answered right that minute. Grrrr.) so I'd better grab some winks while I can.
Maybe later I can blog about my lack of enthu for all the bloodwork and stuff I need to get done, probably tomorrow. My period started after I got home from work Wednesday, so I guess technically that is Cycle Day 1 and this is Cycle Day 3, but it's supposed to be a fasting test blah blah blah and so I think I'll just go in the morning.
Can you believe there are people in this world who just HAVE SEX and get pregnant?!? I know!!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Next steps...
I've got Clomid
I've got Gonal-F
I've got Ovidrel
Who could ask for anything more?
Well, the courage to go ahead and try this again, I suppose.
I do think I'm going to wait until next cycle. While a trip during the 2ww would take my mind off obsessing, I find it doesn't really feel like a vacation when you're visiting the in-laws.
I've got Gonal-F
I've got Ovidrel
Who could ask for anything more?
Well, the courage to go ahead and try this again, I suppose.
I do think I'm going to wait until next cycle. While a trip during the 2ww would take my mind off obsessing, I find it doesn't really feel like a vacation when you're visiting the in-laws.
Yawn
This kid is going to kill me.
Up at 4:40 this morning (S got him back down). Up for good at 5:30.
I want to try an earlier bedtime but I'm terrified that he's going to be up for good at 4:00 if I try that.
And what the hell happened to my husband, who was a morning person (as in getting up at 5 or 5:30 every day) our entire marriage before KB came along? I thought we were going to be such a great team, with me taking the late night shift, S taking the early morning shift, and KB sleeping in the middle.
Yeah, I was that naive.
S is sleeping in. I am yawning. KB needs breakfast. He just came over and asked me "Mommy, you done?"
Back later with an update on my physical. I think I'm going to ask if I can do Clomid this cycle and try on our own, without the IUI.
Up at 4:40 this morning (S got him back down). Up for good at 5:30.
I want to try an earlier bedtime but I'm terrified that he's going to be up for good at 4:00 if I try that.
And what the hell happened to my husband, who was a morning person (as in getting up at 5 or 5:30 every day) our entire marriage before KB came along? I thought we were going to be such a great team, with me taking the late night shift, S taking the early morning shift, and KB sleeping in the middle.
Yeah, I was that naive.
S is sleeping in. I am yawning. KB needs breakfast. He just came over and asked me "Mommy, you done?"
Back later with an update on my physical. I think I'm going to ask if I can do Clomid this cycle and try on our own, without the IUI.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Blast from the past
This morning when I took KB to the ped's office for his shot, I was signing him in and dealing with the co-payment when I heard another parent in the waiting room tell his child "No, sweetie, let's share." I turned to look because I was pretty sure KB would be involved. And of course he was. I don't know who started it, but I guess KB and the little girl were tussling over the little bead & wire toy in the middle of the waiting room.
I kept one eye on the action while I finished checking in. Then I looked more closely at the kids in the waiting room (identical twins) and finally recognized the parents. We were all in the same breastfeeding support group after KB was born.
Once I recognized them, I was seriously hoping I didn't have a dirty look on my face when KB and the little girl were having their tiff over the toy.
We re-introduced ourselves and chatted a bit. They got called back first, and the mom gave me her card so we could keep in touch. She seems really nice, and it would be fun to have another mom friend and more potential buddies for KB. The twins were born in mid-June so they're just a couple of weeks older than him.
This would be a great segue into talking about my new twin nieces, if I weren't so tired. Tomorrow.
In the meantime, here's a quick question for my SIL:
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, or The Nursing Mother's Companion?
I kept one eye on the action while I finished checking in. Then I looked more closely at the kids in the waiting room (identical twins) and finally recognized the parents. We were all in the same breastfeeding support group after KB was born.
Once I recognized them, I was seriously hoping I didn't have a dirty look on my face when KB and the little girl were having their tiff over the toy.
We re-introduced ourselves and chatted a bit. They got called back first, and the mom gave me her card so we could keep in touch. She seems really nice, and it would be fun to have another mom friend and more potential buddies for KB. The twins were born in mid-June so they're just a couple of weeks older than him.
This would be a great segue into talking about my new twin nieces, if I weren't so tired. Tomorrow.
In the meantime, here's a quick question for my SIL:
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, or The Nursing Mother's Companion?
Vax
5:40 this morning. Ugh. At least I went to bed before 10 last night. Even the room-darkening shades we bought haven't helped KB sleep later. I'm out of ideas.
Anyway. We "get" to go to the ped's office this morning so KB can get Round 2 of his Hepatitis A vaccine. I would have never thought to give him the Hep A vaccine, but in February, when I casually mentioned to our ped that we were about to go to Thailand, he said we should get the vaccine.
We do tend to travel to places like India and Thailand more than the average bear, so it seems like a valid idea.
I'm pretty sure I'm skipping the anti-malaria medicine the doc offered for KB, though. I remember the first time I went to India and got anti-malaria meds. The doctor told me, "Now, if your in-laws seem really weird to you, or if you just can't stand them, it may not really be *them*. It may just be the meds."
So I don't think I'm all that keen on KB having weird psychological reactions when he doesn't fully have the ability to tell us what's bothering him. Most of the people we're going to meet in India, he won't have seen for 18 months (not that he will remember any of them). Even the relatives he's seen most recently, he met 6 months ago. He's already going to be very overwhelmed with the crush of people. No sense compounding that.
Of course, now I have to figure out if mosquito repellents with DEET are really safe for a 2-year-old. You'd think, with my extensive medical background courtesy of Google University, I'd already know all these things.
Anyway. We "get" to go to the ped's office this morning so KB can get Round 2 of his Hepatitis A vaccine. I would have never thought to give him the Hep A vaccine, but in February, when I casually mentioned to our ped that we were about to go to Thailand, he said we should get the vaccine.
We do tend to travel to places like India and Thailand more than the average bear, so it seems like a valid idea.
I'm pretty sure I'm skipping the anti-malaria medicine the doc offered for KB, though. I remember the first time I went to India and got anti-malaria meds. The doctor told me, "Now, if your in-laws seem really weird to you, or if you just can't stand them, it may not really be *them*. It may just be the meds."
So I don't think I'm all that keen on KB having weird psychological reactions when he doesn't fully have the ability to tell us what's bothering him. Most of the people we're going to meet in India, he won't have seen for 18 months (not that he will remember any of them). Even the relatives he's seen most recently, he met 6 months ago. He's already going to be very overwhelmed with the crush of people. No sense compounding that.
Of course, now I have to figure out if mosquito repellents with DEET are really safe for a 2-year-old. You'd think, with my extensive medical background courtesy of Google University, I'd already know all these things.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Wake up call
KB slept in today...6:00! I know -- ugh. As a lifelong night owl, it pains me greatly that my son is SUCH an early bird. Ugh. I hope he outgrows it. I don't have high hopes, given how the men in S's family pride themselves on needing very little sleep.
Anyway, I went in and lay down on the comforter next to his crib just hoping for a few more minutes of sleep. He was a real chatterbox this morning.
"I wanna Lightning Keen blanket." I put it on him. "No Mommy! I no wanna Lightning Keen blanket! Take it off!"
"I needa go downstairs and watch Crehbuls." [The Incredibles -- he's a Pixar fan]
"Where's the train, Mommy? Where's the train that goes 'chugga chugga choo choo WOO WOO!'??"
"I wanna read 'Me Cookie' in the glider."
Thinking he might read quietly so I could doze for a couple more minutes (hahahaha! I kill me!!), I got him out of the crib and he climbed into the glider with a couple of books.
S. came in then and took over while I went to the loo. Apparently there was more funny chatter forthcoming:
"I'm going to take a small nap in the bed" (as he got down from the glider and lay down on the comforter I had just vacated).
followed by "7 o'clock is the time to get up".
Where he got this last one, I have no idea. Usually when I try to get him to sleep longer, I'll say something like "Mommy's watch says we need to sleep for 10 (or 20 or 30) more minutes." But I don't usually tell him specific times.
I wish he'd listen to himself. 7 o'clock IS a much more reasonable time to get up, buddy. Now if I could just figure out the magic incantation to make it so.
Anyway, I went in and lay down on the comforter next to his crib just hoping for a few more minutes of sleep. He was a real chatterbox this morning.
"I wanna Lightning Keen blanket." I put it on him. "No Mommy! I no wanna Lightning Keen blanket! Take it off!"
"I needa go downstairs and watch Crehbuls." [The Incredibles -- he's a Pixar fan]
"Where's the train, Mommy? Where's the train that goes 'chugga chugga choo choo WOO WOO!'??"
"I wanna read 'Me Cookie' in the glider."
Thinking he might read quietly so I could doze for a couple more minutes (hahahaha! I kill me!!), I got him out of the crib and he climbed into the glider with a couple of books.
S. came in then and took over while I went to the loo. Apparently there was more funny chatter forthcoming:
"I'm going to take a small nap in the bed" (as he got down from the glider and lay down on the comforter I had just vacated).
followed by "7 o'clock is the time to get up".
Where he got this last one, I have no idea. Usually when I try to get him to sleep longer, I'll say something like "Mommy's watch says we need to sleep for 10 (or 20 or 30) more minutes." But I don't usually tell him specific times.
I wish he'd listen to himself. 7 o'clock IS a much more reasonable time to get up, buddy. Now if I could just figure out the magic incantation to make it so.
No more fever
KB's fever is gone. He was running around like a maniac yesterday. Well, when we weren't in the car driving to/from Oakland to see S's cousin Veena and her boyfriend.
Nothing like a non-childproofed apartment full of books, CDs, stereo equipment, remote controls, drinking glasses on end tables, etc. I don't think I sat down (or relaxed) for a single second.
Now it's Monday. Have to go into the office today. Yuck. KB's at day care.
Which reminds me, I really need to step up the efforts to find him a good preschool.
I hate Mondays. Need caffeine.
Remind me to talk about the new twins on S's side of the family...
Nothing like a non-childproofed apartment full of books, CDs, stereo equipment, remote controls, drinking glasses on end tables, etc. I don't think I sat down (or relaxed) for a single second.
Now it's Monday. Have to go into the office today. Yuck. KB's at day care.
Which reminds me, I really need to step up the efforts to find him a good preschool.
I hate Mondays. Need caffeine.
Remind me to talk about the new twins on S's side of the family...
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Roseola?
I jinxed us. Just recently I was thinking that KB hasn't been sick for quite a while.
And then he woke up from his nap yesterday with a fever. Not a big one, 99.3. But since his febrile seizure in October, we don't screw around with fevers anymore. Our pediatrician has advised us to start dosing with Motrin at the first sign of a fever, so I dutifully did.
KB didn't act sick at all -- no coughing, runny nose, lethargy -- no indication whatsoever that he felt bad.
At bedtime, I checked his temperature again. 100.4 with the ear thermometer. Crap. More Motrin. Checked with the digital thermometer under his arm while we read goodnight stories. 101.5. Crap crap.
He still wasn't acting terribly sick, but he was starting to get a little lethargic.
We canceled the lunch we had planned for today (we were supposed to host about a dozen of S's relatives at our house) and wondered what kind of night we were in for.
At 11:15 or so, KB started moaning in his crib. I went to check on him, and he was burning up. It hadn't been 4 hours since I'd given him his last dose of Motrin, so I didn't want to give him anymore yet. I brought him into our bed and we all fell asleep.
At 12:30, he woke up and this time he was REALLY burning up. The ear thermometer read 102.4, so I'm guessing his actual temp was about a degree higher.
More Motrin. Somehow KB thought it was morning, despite the room being pitch dark. He kept rambling about various things, telling me he wanted to go downstairs, telling me he wanted to read Dragon in a Wagon, and saying things like "I needa go over my cousin Aadi's house. I needa swim with my cousin Aadi."
I was afraid he was going to be up for hours because he was wide awake at that point. (S., of course, was able to sleep through all of this despite being in the same bed)
Luckily, KB went to sleep after maybe 30 minutes of babbling.
This morning he woke up at 6:45 (he ONLY sleeps this late when he is sick) happy as a clam. No sign of fever whatsoever. It was so odd. He was tugging on his left ear a lot, though, so we wondered if he had an ear infection.
Our pediatrician's office is open on Saturday mornings, and our ped. happened to be the one in the office today, so we took KB in. The ped. said he's been seeing a lot of this over the last couple of weeks -- fever out of nowhere, no other symptoms of illness. His own son has had something very similar.
He said in many cases, the kids come down with a rash after the fever breaks. "Have you ever heard of roseola?" he asked us. Great.
I've Googled quite a bit, and I'm not sure this is what KB has. For one thing, his fever wasn't super-high. And for another thing, it seemed to be a very short-lived fever, not one lasting 2-3 days.
I guess we will see, if KB comes down with a rash. I'm hoping not.
I really hate it when my baby is sick. He did fall asleep in the car on the way home from the doctor's office (after only being awake for 3.5 hours) and he took a 3 hour nap this afternoon. As I said, the *only* time he sleeps a lot is when he's sick, so I know he feels bad.
No fever when I put him down tonight. Fingers crossed.
And then he woke up from his nap yesterday with a fever. Not a big one, 99.3. But since his febrile seizure in October, we don't screw around with fevers anymore. Our pediatrician has advised us to start dosing with Motrin at the first sign of a fever, so I dutifully did.
KB didn't act sick at all -- no coughing, runny nose, lethargy -- no indication whatsoever that he felt bad.
At bedtime, I checked his temperature again. 100.4 with the ear thermometer. Crap. More Motrin. Checked with the digital thermometer under his arm while we read goodnight stories. 101.5. Crap crap.
He still wasn't acting terribly sick, but he was starting to get a little lethargic.
We canceled the lunch we had planned for today (we were supposed to host about a dozen of S's relatives at our house) and wondered what kind of night we were in for.
At 11:15 or so, KB started moaning in his crib. I went to check on him, and he was burning up. It hadn't been 4 hours since I'd given him his last dose of Motrin, so I didn't want to give him anymore yet. I brought him into our bed and we all fell asleep.
At 12:30, he woke up and this time he was REALLY burning up. The ear thermometer read 102.4, so I'm guessing his actual temp was about a degree higher.
More Motrin. Somehow KB thought it was morning, despite the room being pitch dark. He kept rambling about various things, telling me he wanted to go downstairs, telling me he wanted to read Dragon in a Wagon, and saying things like "I needa go over my cousin Aadi's house. I needa swim with my cousin Aadi."
I was afraid he was going to be up for hours because he was wide awake at that point. (S., of course, was able to sleep through all of this despite being in the same bed)
Luckily, KB went to sleep after maybe 30 minutes of babbling.
This morning he woke up at 6:45 (he ONLY sleeps this late when he is sick) happy as a clam. No sign of fever whatsoever. It was so odd. He was tugging on his left ear a lot, though, so we wondered if he had an ear infection.
Our pediatrician's office is open on Saturday mornings, and our ped. happened to be the one in the office today, so we took KB in. The ped. said he's been seeing a lot of this over the last couple of weeks -- fever out of nowhere, no other symptoms of illness. His own son has had something very similar.
He said in many cases, the kids come down with a rash after the fever breaks. "Have you ever heard of roseola?" he asked us. Great.
I've Googled quite a bit, and I'm not sure this is what KB has. For one thing, his fever wasn't super-high. And for another thing, it seemed to be a very short-lived fever, not one lasting 2-3 days.
I guess we will see, if KB comes down with a rash. I'm hoping not.
I really hate it when my baby is sick. He did fall asleep in the car on the way home from the doctor's office (after only being awake for 3.5 hours) and he took a 3 hour nap this afternoon. As I said, the *only* time he sleeps a lot is when he's sick, so I know he feels bad.
No fever when I put him down tonight. Fingers crossed.
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