Wednesday, November 7, 2007

5 weeks, more or less

My IUI was 3 weeks ago today. Not sure if conception happened that day or the following day. So I am right around 5 weeks. Will know more once I get an ultrasound.

The time is dragging. I took my first HPT on Monday night, October 29th, so I've known I was pregnant for less than 9 days. It feels like weeks.

Honestly, I thought that having a 2-year-old at home would be more than enough distraction for me. And truthfully, I don't think about the pregnancy all the time. I'm sure I had lots more time to be obsessive during those early days/weeks with KB.

If you've never experienced infertility and/or miscarriage, I suppose it's hard to understand having a great deal of anxiety during the first trimester.

I wonder how many women get two lines on a pregnancy test and sail confidently through their pregnancies, being absolutely certain they will have babies at the end?

That was probably me during my first pregnancy. Miscarriages were something that happened to other people. Not to me. Not to someone who'd been trying to conceive for 15 months and who so desperately wanted a baby.

And yet it happened all the same.

Not that I am fearful 100% of the time. Each of my hCG results has given me hope and a wee bit of confidence that things are going well. But I know that, for me, getting to that first ultrasound is key. If we see a heartbeat at 6 weeks, I will feel much better.

I can't stand waiting. I'm no good at surprises. If only I had a crystal ball so I could see into the future and know that all would end well...

3 comments:

Maryam said...

I guess I'm one of those people. I pee on a stick and it pretty much means there's a baby. I understand the hesitation though. And the first few weeks drag by, but the next seem to be zipping by. 2 year olds make for great distractions.

Melissa J said...

I actually went back and read Pithydithy's blog from the time she found out she was pregnant with Finn. It's uncanny how universal the anxiety is.

Only difference between me and Ms. Pithy is that I only peed on 2 sticks. I had forgotten just how many she went through! :-)

My sister was completely the opposite of me; she never spent a moment in either pregnancy wondering if things would be OK. Positive pregnancy test = baby. And so it was for her.

Color me jealous. I would love not to have the anxious feelings.

pithydithy said...

Ahem. I don't know what you're talking about. I was perfectly rational during those days....

But, even if I don't know why, I still feel lots of empathy. I feel really hopeful and positive for you, but I know how hard it is when you're not sure something good really is going to happen. Hugs.