Major dread

KB and I are about halfway through our time without S. So far, it is going pretty well, despite the fact that I still feel like death warmed over. It has been raining a lot, so I haven't felt compelled to try to get KB outside. We've been spending a lot of time indoors, playing, watching movies, and just hanging out.

When S was planning this trip, he had the bright idea of asking his cousin V to stay with KB and me during the full weekend he was gone. This sounded like an ok idea to me for about 2 seconds, until I really started thinking about what it would mean. Then I told him to not even bother asking her, because KB and I would be fine.

Too late. Not only had he already mentioned the plan to her, she had enthusiastically agreed. This was weeks ago, so I was hoping she had already forgotten about it.

Fast forward to just before S's trip. I casually mentioned, "If V hasn't said anything about staying with us for the weekend, don't remind her." Too late again. She had called about something else and she herself had remembered. Ugh.

Now, on the surface, this seems like a nice gesture, right? Someone to come over and "help" me take care of my child -- someone to give me a break from the unrelenting demands of my 2.5 year old? And perhaps I seem like an ungrateful bitch for not wanting it.

The problem is, I don't think it is going to be much "help" to me. What I struggle with the most during these solo parenting gigs are KB's night wakings and early-morning risings. No one who stays with us is going to help with those aspects.

If V were to come by herself for the weekend, that would be one thing. But she insists on bringing her live-in boyfriend, whom I've met a handful of times and whom I don't really care for in the slightest. He will be of absolutely no help with KB. He will sit on the couch and watch TV or flip through magazines the entire time.

The fact that both of them will come makes the weekend, from my perspective, much less about "help" and more about hosting houseguests. And that just adds more work, and more stress, to my plate.

The house is a wreck, the sink is full of dishes, and there are a minimum of groceries in the house. And I just don't feel like cleaning up frantically to host guests for the weekend.

V called last night at 9:00 to say they were planning to come down this morning. I was already in bed and didn't get the message until KB and I got up today. I seriously have knots in my stomach just dreading their arrival.

I desperately want to tell her not to come, but my god, the absolute shitstorm that would cause throughout the family. This particular branch of the family is so very sensitive to any perceived slight. I have in turn pissed off this cousin, her brother, and both her parents in the last few years, just by being honest about my feelings.

Ugh, I just want to spend the weekend with KB, continuing our low-key routine. I don't want to add houseguests to the mix.

Maybe they will surprise me. Maybe having them here will actually feel like help.

But I'm not holding my breath. I just have to suck it up and put on my fake smile for the weekend, all for the sake of family harmony.

Wish me luck.