5 years

5 years ago today, I had my first miscarriage. It's hard to believe it's been that long. I had to really stop and think -- yes, 2003, 5 years ago.

The last couple of years, the anniversary has passed unnoticed. For some reason, yesterday it struck me that it was just after President's Day weekend that I miscarried.

While I'll always remember the joyful innocence of that pregnancy (how naive we were, telling our parents and siblings pretty much the minute we saw a positive pregnancy test!), as time passes, I do not mourn the loss as I used to.

If that pregnancy had been successful, my due date would have been around October 1, 2003. KB was conceived in October, 2004. KB would not be here if not for that first loss (or the second, for that matter).

I know it is trite to say it, but I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. I cannot remember day-to-day life before he was here.

So, I remember our first pregnancy with some sadness, but honestly, it is tempered by the overwhelming joy of having KB in our lives.