Thursday, February 28, 2008

Crappy mom, redux

Just yesterday, I got up and thought, Yes, my son gets up at 6 a.m., but how can I resist him as we're lying in bed, when he puts a hand on each of my cheeks and says "I love you, Mommy?"

Somehow, 5:20 a.m. felt a lot earlier this morning. KB woke up and started crying, then caught himself and started calling "Mommy! Mommy!" (I have been trying to convince him that calling me is nicer than crying, and I will still hear him over the monitor.)

I went into his room, picked him up from the crib, and told him through clenched teeth, "It's the middle of the NIGHT." Brought him into my bed and told him to close his eyes and sleep for a while longer.

No dice. He was having none of it. Unfortunately, by 6 a.m., it is obviously light outside. He sat up in bed and cheerfully announced, "I ready to get up now!"

Holy shit. I...lost it. I got out of bed and started yelling at him. For waking up early.

He burst into tears at my yelling and I instantly felt like the shittiest mom in the world. I hugged him and said "I'm sorry" over and over.

And then it made me feel even shittier when he replied, in his little voice, "I'm sorry for waking up early, Mommy."

Could I be a shittier parent?

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