Monday, October 29, 2007

Trick...or treat?

This is 12 days post-IUI. I'm in shock. I truly did not think we had a very good chance this cycle. Holy shit. I guess it is true what they say: it only takes one.

Oh, and yes, I've got a huge case of the "What the hell have I done"s as well.

I want to go in tomorrow for a beta, but KB's home with me all day and I can't see taking him to the fertility clinic with me. Oh well, I guess I can wait 'til Wednesday.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Wise beyond his years

I feel better today. Still cannot seem to get ahead of the day-to-day chores, but today was better.

I tried a different tactic when I picked KB up from school this evening. I knew he'd want to play on the playground, so I resolved to let him play for half an hour since there was nothing pressing we needed to do at home.

He took the lead, first telling me he wanted to play ball, then playing one of his new favorite games. There is a big map of the U.S. painted on one section of the asphalt where the older kids ride tricycles. The states are painted in different colors. KB will go stand on a state and ask "What's this, Mommy?" and I'll tell him the name of the state. So far, he is very partial to California, presumably because I always tell him "California -- that's where we live".

I let him go to whatever activity he wanted. Today, I gave him a 5-minute warning and counted off each minute. When there was a minute left, I told him to choose one last thing (such as going down one of the big slides) and then it was time to go.

No fussing whatsoever when we made our move. Of course, he dawdled A LOT getting to the car, but again, I told myself, just chill.

Got home, fixed dinner and we ate together. I was hoping to start bathtime at 7 so I could have KB asleep by 8. Fat chance. He didn't even finish eating until after 7:30. Then, when he had finished eating and I was trying to clean him up, he kept snatching the washcloth away from me and cackling.

Everything I've been bottling up for the last several days came spilling out and I started crying. KB's mood immediately changed. "What's wrong, Mommy?" I told him I was a little sad because he wasn't being nice.

He said, "Can I give you a hug?" I went over to the highchair for a hug. "Can I give you a kiss?" Anytime, buddy.

And then he said, "Get me down so we can love each other." Awww.

Bathtime was fun and the rest of the bedtime routine went off without a hitch. I think he was asleep by 8:50 or so.

No chores for me tonight. I'm just going to watch some mindless TV.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

He can be very sweet, too

Just so I don't end another day on a negative note, here is a glimpse of my boy's sweet side.

Last night, we turned out the lights and I put KB into his crib. I asked him, "Do you need a blanket, or is it too hot?" He replied "Too hot" so I left him uncovered.

I lay down on the comforter next to the crib, as I do every night for a few minutes. KB asked me, "Mommy, you need a blanket?" I smiled in the dark as I told him no, I didn't need a blanket either.

Then he replied, "Thank you." I was puzzled.

He continued, "Thank you for asking if I need a blanket, Mommy."

Sometimes his sweetness sneaks up on me.

My patience is in short supply

True mom confession: Some days, some moments, I have to really, really struggle not to just smack KB's ass. Man, that kid can push my buttons like you would not believe.

I had to go to work today (I work Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays -- most of the time nowadays, I have to drive into the office rather than work at home) so it was another hectic morning.

When I went to day care at 5 to retrieve KB, things started off well. I picked him up, collected his jacket and lunch box, and we went outside. I had brought a snack and gave him the choice of eating the snack or going to the playground (on the school grounds). He chose the snack, so we went and sat on a bench and he delightedly said "KB and Mommy having a picnic!"

We had not been seated more than 2 minutes when I noticed red, raised welts on his arm. 4 of them, parallel lines. There were also two cuts on his finger that had obviously bled. I asked if someone scratched him and he said yes, a boy did. He couldn't/wouldn't tell me his name. I gathered all our things and went back to the classroom to ask for details about what happened, since I didn't get an "ouch report" about this (about the kid who knocked KB down and whacked his/her head on his eyebrow, yes, got that report. Sigh). The teacher said she had no idea what had happened to KB.

So goody, I get to talk to the morning teacher tomorrow about who scratched my kid so hard that he left marks. Later, KB told me the name of the boy who scratched him. He said he took a toy truck away from the other little boy, the boy scratched him, and KB immediately said "Sorry". While I'm proud he said sorry when he realized he did something wrong, I also would like him to learn that it's OK to say to children who hurt him "Don't scratch/hit/bite/kick me. That hurts."

After we had our snack, I told KB we needed to go home because Daddy was going to call us. No, he wanted to go play on the big boy slide. I told him 5 minutes. As we were walking over, another little boy and his dad were headed that way. The dad and I introduced the two boys and watched them chase each other, making train noises.

And then I gave KB the 2-minute warning. Ignored. After the 2 minutes were up, I told him he could either walk, or I would carry him. I'd give him the count of 3 to decide. Usually this works like a charm. Not today. When I got to "3", he was very pointedly ignoring me. So I picked him up and started carrying him across the playground towards the car.

Holy smokes, you would have thought I was torturing him. Kicking, flailing, screaming, you name it. And I do mean screaming bloody murder. I think this might well have been his first real public tantrum. Every once in a while, I'd put him down to see if he'd continue walking with me. Big mistake. He'd head right back for the play equipment. I'd scoop him up again and he'd flail his arms & kick his legs at me.

Finally got him deposited in the car seat and buckled in. I was literally shaking.

We got home and it was like nothing ever happened. We talked to S while KB was finishing his dessert of applesauce. S asked KB at some point "Are you being a good boy for Mommy?" and KB replied "No, I mean."

At least the kid is honest.

May tomorrow be a better day. I'm going to bed.

Rip my heart out

I was beginning to think KB was doing fine with S's absence. Since Saturday night, he has barely asked for Daddy or mentioned him at all.

This morning changed my mind about how affected he is.

KB woke up at 5:21, chattering away in his crib. I went into his room, asked him to lie down, covered him with a blanket. I lay down on the floor next to his crib and told him it was still nighttime and we needed to go back to sleep.

At 6:48, he woke up, crying hysterically. I asked him what was wrong, thinking he had a bad dream.

"What'd I do to my Daddy? What'd I do to him, Mommy?"

I reassured him, "You didn't do anything to Daddy, baby, what do you mean?"

His reply ripped my heart in two:

"He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't love me."

I tried to comfort him, to reassure him that Daddy loves him, very much, he's just gone for a little while but he will come back.

I really hope S takes this to heart and stops going on these trips. The older KB gets, the more and more he is going to be affected by S's absence.

For now, I am asking S to call KB every night before bedtime. I don't know what else to do.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Judge not

KB is a very active, very intense little boy. He is, I think, what people are referring to when they talk about "spirited" children. In some circles, he would be characterized as "a handful" or "all boy".

And at the end of the day, I am spent. I'm exhausted.

Today KB really tested my patience. I raised my voice (read: yelled) many times, and felt bad afterwards.

I took him with me to the post office to mail some bills and to pick up a package. He loves putting envelopes into the outgoing mail slot. However, when it came time to pick up the package, he was not at all interested in staying next to me. He kept running from the counter out into the lobby where all the post office boxes are. There was another boy (around 5) with his mom, also picking up a package. He was not helping matters; he would chase KB out into the lobby. Then his mother would tell him to come back and stand next to her. KB, meanwhile, would wait out in the lobby, out of my line of sight, for someone to chase him.

I had to keep running out to the lobby to retrieve him, so he didn't try to run out the door into the parking lot. The postal clerk behind the counter kept giving me looks. Why is it that when people give me shitty looks like that, I feel the need to apologize for my son?

Finally, I had to just go pick KB up and hold him on my hip while I tried to sign for the package with my free hand. He was not pleased.

Then, at swimming lessons, he was in another of his "I'll do what I damn well please" moods. The other little girls in the class listen to their moms and to the teacher. They do as they are asked. KB? Not so much. If the game or activity we are doing meshes with what he wants to do, he's fine.

Tonight, for example, one of their big activities was falling into the pool backwards and reaching for the wall. In previous sessions, KB did NOT like this activity at all. He was afraid to fall into the water when he couldn't see where he was falling. He loved it tonight. He kept wanting to do it again and again, even when the teacher was ready to move on to another activity. He kept crawling over the wall separating our lane from the next class's lane, and dropping into the water. I had to reach over several times to grab him before he went under.

The teacher kept giving me looks. Not necessarily shitty looks, but looks I recognized as "Can't you control your kid?" I wanted to ask her, what would you do? Surely he is not the only kid in the history of the swim school that has acted this way. Will he grow out of this behavior and be able to pay attention to his instructors?

After class, we stopped at a sandwich place near home. KB kept running back and forth between the cash register and the chip display, picking up bags of chips and putting them on the counter. I kept returning the bags to him, each time asking him to put the chips back. When we sat at our table, I strapped him into the high chair (I know, I should be infinitely grateful that he will still sit this way!!). He kept grabbing at stuff on the table and I kept telling him "Wait KB, Mommy will get it for you." Lather, rinse, repeat.

When I finally got to sit down, I looked up and noticed an elderly woman looking at me scornfully. I really wanted to smack her. Don't you think I know? I want to ask these people.

Seriously, what do people want me to do? I can't just not take him out in public.

Is it me? Have I done something, or not done something, to make him this way? Or is it just the way he is made? Most of the time, I truly believe it's just his nature.

But days like today make me think that maybe I'm just a shitty parent.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Day two

I thought I might get to veg a little tonight and watch some TV, but I got caught up in paying bills and now I really need to get to bed.

KB slept through the night last night! I did not hear a peep out of him. Yea!

He was up at 5:48 this morning, though, and I couldn't get him to go back to sleep. Not so yea.

Tomorrow should be much more relaxed since I don't have to go to work. Today wasn't so bad -- I did as much prep work as I could last night, so I could just feed KB, shower and get both of us dressed and out the door decently early this morning.

When S is gone on these trips of his, it's the mornings I dread. Everything else I can handle.

I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination. I've worked as a developer/engineer for the last 13 years, and for the most part, I could set my own schedule. My ideal schedule was to get to work around 10 am and leave around 7. I could stay up until midnight or 1 am, puttering around and doing as I pleased.

Now, though, I have to be "on" starting around 6 or 6:30 in the morning. Sometimes before. When S is here, we can trade off: one of us gets up with KB, makes his breakfast, etc., and the other one sleeps in a bit. And I do confess, I get the lion's share of the sleeping in. (Of course, I did not spend the first several years of our marriage bragging that I only needed 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night.)

With S gone, there's no backup. It's all me, baby. So I know I've got to get my arse into bed by 10:30 or 11 to have even a slim chance of being rested in the mornings.

Speaking of which, it's time for me to hit the sack. How sad is it that I haven't even gone to sleep for the night yet, and I'm already looking forward to naptime tomorrow?

Nothing on tomorrow's agenda except swimming lessons in the evening. I'll probably take KB to the park earlier in the day. Maybe if I wear him out, he'll sleep in for me on Wednesday. Ha.

At the pumpkin patch

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Mmm, cupcake

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Sunday, October 21, 2007

Not bad

KB and I had a good day. We got up this morning and he helped me make blueberry muffins. He loves helping in the kitchen. He got a kick out of putting paper cups into the muffin tin. And of course, however many ingredients I let him pour into the mixing bowl, he is thrilled.

After breakfast, we just hung out at home and played, read books, etc. Then he helped me make lunch, and after lunch it was naptime.

When he woke up from his nap, I thought I would try sitting him on the potty right away. We've been encouraging him to sit on the potty a lot lately, but he sits there for a few minutes and nothing comes out. After his nap, though, he had a huge pee in the potty. He was SO proud! He talked about it at random times for the rest of the day.

Then we got ready and went to Gilroy Gardens. By the time we got there, it was 4 pm, and the park closes at 6 pm nowadays. We rode a few rides and KB ran through the hay maze a couple dozen times, then we shared pasta and a fruit bowl for a light dinner.

Came home, played a little, then got ready for bed. He actually sat still for me and let me cut and file his fingernails, which he NEVER does. Read stories (he asked for "How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight" but I think reading that book at night gives him bad dreams) and put him down. He was out by 8:30. I'm hoping he sleeps til 6:30 tomorrow morning, but I have no way to predict how many wakeups he'll have tonight.

On the housework front, I did 3 loads of laundry and cleared half the sink of dishes. I have KB's sheet, blanket & diapers ready to go to daycare tomorrow. I've made both our lunches. I'm hoping I wake up before he does so I can shower and get ready. I need to go into work early so I can get home by noon -- S scheduled someone to come and install a new alarm system since ours hit the skids several weeks ago.

There are toys all over the family room floor but I can't bring myself to pick them up. I should get to bed soon so I can have a chance at a decent night's sleep.

Oh, and no word from S. Weird. He should have arrived in Manila about 2 hours ago. More than enough time for him to get to the hotel and get settled in. I thought I would at least get a text message saying "I'm here".

Day One

S is gone. Again. Yet another business trip to Manila. I curse the day his company decided to outsource most of their engineering and operations to the Philippines.

This is what? The 9th trip in 3 years? I'm pretty sure it's the 7th trip since KB was born. At two weeks a pop, he's missed a good chunk of KB's life. And yet he wonders why KB is so attached to me.

I'm not sure what pisses me off the absolute most about these trips. Could it be the fact that S volunteers for them? No one at his company is forcing him to go. He claims that the engineers in the Manila office work better when they get "face time" from him now and then. Um, why not hire people who are more senior and self-motivated?

Maybe it's the fact that S doesn't do anything to help me out before he leaves on these trips. This is the first time KB and I have planned to stay put the entire time S is out of the country. Previously, we've taken the opportunity to go visit my parents in Arkansas. And usually S is already gone by the time we go, leaving me to get to the airport by myself with a rowdy toddler, car seat, diaper bag, luggage, etc.

Also, normally S just takes a shuttle to the airport, since he flies out of San Francisco around 1 am, and that's too late to be schlepping KB back and forth. Last night, though, he had the bright idea of taking the 8:00 train to SFO so he could hang out in the business lounge for a few hours before his flight. Trouble was, he piddled around here so long that we got to the train station a minute or so too late. The train was at the station when S went in to buy his ticket. By the time he got to the platform, the train was gone.

So what should have been a 30-minute round trip to the train station turned into a 2-hour round trip to SFO. KB fell asleep at 9:15 and slept the whole way home. Got home at 10:00 and somehow managed to get him inside, upstairs, and half-changed into pajamas without waking him up.

Of course, he woke up twice during the night and was up for good at 6:15. Oy.

And now I have a sink full of dishes, dirty pots and pans on the stove, a hamper full of dirty clothes, and more dirty clothes littering the floor of the closet. Thanks for the help, S. He did laundry yesterday, but ONLY washed the clothes he wanted to take to Manila. See previous comment about not doing anything to help out before leaving on these trips.

Today, after naptime, I'm going to *try* to take KB to our favorite little theme park. It's been a while since I've taken him by myself, but I hope he'll cooperate and stay close to me.

The next two weeks are going to be exhausting.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The IUI yesterday

As IUIs go, it was by far the quickest one I've ever had.

Originally the schedule was for S to go and make his, um, donation at 2 pm. Then I was to go in at 4 for the actual insemination. The clinic called Tuesday afternoon and asked if I could come in at 3:45 instead.

S got to his appointment a little early, around 1:45. By 2, he texted me that he was on the way home.

S actually offered to go with me to the insemination. I was shocked! He didn't go with me to the last two (including the one where I conceived KB). They're not terribly exciting, so I don't blame him.

Anyway, he asked if I wanted him to attend this time and I said sure. I didn't really want to be alone my first time back in the stirrups. Plus, the doctors in the past have had a notoriously hard time threading the catheter through my cervix, and I figured if nothing else, S could hold my hand while I grimaced through the procedure.

S's sperm count was pretty good -- 21 million alive and swimming. The doctor said they are happy with anything over 5 million. For reference, I asked about our last cycle and found out we had 27 million that time. (We also found out that the previous two counts were in the 30 and 50 million range, and we all know those didn't work, so it's all a crapshoot anyway.)

I really wish I had gotten one last peek at my ovaries before the IUI. I would have liked to see how big the follicles were at the time, since I'm pretty positive I had not yet ovulated. I figure the lead follicle was around 20-22mm.

Dr. K surprised the hell out of me by inserting the catheter in record time. When he triumphantly declared "It's in!", I asked him incredulously, "It's in? *All the way* in? Are you sure?!" I wanted to ask if S could press the plunger on the syringe (a symbolic knocking me up and all that) but everything happened so fast.

Lay there for 10 minutes afterwards, trying to visualize good things happening in my uterus. Then we picked up KB from daycare, played in the park for a while, and went to dinner.

Came home, gave KB a bath, and ended up having to sanitize the bathtub afterwards. I'm actually surprised we made it over 2 years before KB pooped in the bathtub for the first time. May it also be the last time.

Whether or not I get pregnant this cycle, today was definitely a memorable day.

My waking temp went from 96.7 yesterday morning to 97.5 this morning, so that's a good sign. Unfortunately, I haven't been charting this month, so I don't really have an idea what my normal temps are. Pre-KB, whenever I charted, my post-O temps were above 98. I'll try to temp again for the rest of this cycle and see what the numbers look like.

Blood test is scheduled for November 1st (my dad's birthday). My period would start October 28th if I have a regular 28 day cycle (I'm not holding my breath, since I didn't ovulate until at least CD 18).

KB should keep me busy enough over the next 2 weeks that I don't think about everything too much. I hope.

Everything you wanted to know about IUI

Monday, October 15, 2007

Everything I thought I knew was wrong

Had my follow-up follicle scan today, after injecting another dose + a piddle over the weekend.

My lead follicle is about 18mm now, so it's getting there. There is another little follicle on the right side, about 11mm.

On the left side, there are two follicles, 12mm and 13mm.

So it looks like the right side is going to get the dominant follicle this time. I don't think the others are going to catch up.

I expressed my disappointment to Dr. K, saying that my HSG a few years ago had showed a blockage on my right tube. He looked through my chart and found the notes from the HSG. The notes said that it was my left tube that was blocked. I was stunned.

Maybe I am not entirely screwed after all.

Trigger shot tomorrow morning; IUI Wednesday afternoon.

Sex with a catheter. Mmmm, my favorite.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Three years ago today...

...we got lucky.

It was our 3rd IUI. After almost a year of tests and treatments and no baby, I was getting sick of it all. I was ready to take a break and start exploring options like IVF and/or adoption.

I'm too tired to make a really thoughtful entry, so I'll just say that KB, I am so thankful that you are in my life. I love being your mom. You make me smile and laugh out loud every single day.

That sucked, part II

My mom called last night. She and Dad signed the final papers yesterday to sell the house. She said she dug up the papers from when they bought the house, and they were dated October 14, 1980. So they lacked 2 days being in the same house for 27 years.

This day has been coming for a long time; it was not a surprise. Hell, they've had their new house (5 minutes away from my sister's house) since June if not before. I went home in April to help go through things from the garage, the attic, the storage locker. So no, the sale itself was not a surprise.

But yet, hearing the news was a shock to my system. I'm very sad, and I'm sure it is because this definitively closes the chapter on my childhood. Good Lord, I'm in my late 30s, so childhood is a distant memory. I don't know why this house sale is affecting me so much.

The three of us grew up in that house. That's where we got ready for dates, proms, graduations. Where we ate breakfast together in the mornings before getting ready for school. Where we ate dinner together every night as a family.

We had so many Christmases and Thanksgivings there, even after we'd all gone to college, moved off, gotten married, had kids.

That is the first grandparents' house KB ever knew. He had been there often enough that he remembered where things were from visit to visit. When we brought him home last year for Christmas, I went in first with the camera, hoping to capture his wide-eyed expression at seeing Nana's big Christmas tree. Instead, he bypassed the tree entirely and ran straight for the toybox, which hadn't moved from its position the previous visit.

There are just so many memories. But as my mom said, she and my dad don't really have roots in that little small town anymore. A lot of memories, yes, but no roots. It is time to move on.

I just never thought I would be so sad about a house. It seems so weird to imagine other people living in that house after almost 27 years.

Goodbye, little house on Dawn Drive. I miss you already.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Well, that sucked

Had my follicle scan this morning at the fertility clinic. The news was not good.

My dominant follicle is on the right side. Yes, the same right side that showed up as blocked on my HSG a few years ago. And even though it's the dominant follicle, it's still puny -- only 12mm.

On the left side is one little follicle, 9mm.

The doctor said it's possible that the 9mm follicle will catch up to the 12mm one.

What's really disappointing about this is that I've already taken Clomid (100mg) for 5 days and 150 iU of Gonal-F. This is the protocol that worked for us last time. I know I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up that it would work so quickly, but I did.

For reference, on the cycle we conceived KB, I had 3 follicles at 20mm and above on this same cycle day (CD 13). We did our IUI the next day.

Needless to say, my follicles still have some growing to do. So I'll finish off what's in the Gonal-F pen (there should be 225 iU left) over the next 2 nights, and we'll see how things look on Monday morning.

I was really hoping things would work on the first try this time. Now I have to figure out how many cycles we're willing to try, and how far we're willing to go, to have another baby.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Sneak peak, Halloween costume

Take two...let's see if this works any better...

Better pictures to come...

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Sleep struggles and successes

I know the minute I write this down, it's all going to go down the toilet.

Since we got back from India, something very unexpected has happened: KB has been waking up later in the mornings. We had gotten used to his waking up anywhere between 5 and 5:30 a.m. So painful.

Ever since we got back, though, he's been sleeping until 6:30 or so. This morning, he didn't wake up until 7:20!! He was asleep by around 8:20 last night. 11 hours of sleep at night is just about unheard of for KB, except when he is sick.

Of course, he is still NOT sleeping through the night most nights. Last night, for example, he was up twice. Once around 10:30 or 11, and again around 1:30 -- both times asking for water.

I wasn't surprised he was tired last night. I took him to this indoor play place called The Jungle and we crawled through tunnels and slid down slides for a couple of hours, then we had swimming lessons after that. I guess if I could keep up that level of activity every day...

Still, I wish I knew the magic incantation for getting him to sleep until at least 7 am on a regular basis. Keeping him up later at night is not the answer. He still wakes up at roughly the same time, even if he goes to bed at 10 or 11 at night.

And I don't know if he will ever sleep through the night consistently. I kept holding out for 2 years as the "magic" age when everything would fall into place and he'd suddenly start sleeping through. Nope, hasn't happened yet.

Of course, the time change in a few weeks will screw all this up anyway. Hmmm, just noticed we don't set our clocks back until November 4th. That's good. Maybe we'll have another month of decent wake-up times. Knock on wood.

CD4, Clomid checks and drugs

CD4. Nothing really to report on that front. I will start Clomid tomorrow and will hope desperately for no side effects (headaches, bitchiness, moodiness, crying for no reason, etc).

Went in this morning for my Clomid check. I don't know why I thought I would get an ultrasound to check my ovaries for cysts. I guess it's been a long time since I've done the infertility drill. Instead, everything was done "manually", and even that is more information than anyone reading this blog could possibly want.

The nurse who did my check surprised the hell out of me by walking into the room and giving me a huge hug while I was sitting on the exam table. Not that I minded the hug; I was just very surprised. I saw this particular nurse quite a lot back in 2004 when we were trying to get pregnant. She asked if I'd had a girl or a boy, asked his age, etc. Then she told me that she herself had been an infertility patient. I had no idea.

She said she'd done several IUIs and was preparing to go back home to Iran for IVF (much cheaper there, she said) when she got pregnant naturally. Now she has 2 kids.

Anyway, this particular nurse is a rock star because when she heard that our new insurance doesn't cover infertility drugs, she went and got me a Gonal-F pen from the sample closet. Now I have enough Gonal-F to do this cycle and next, if things come to that.

I didn't realize how much these drugs cost. When I took my prescription to Long's the other night, the pharmacist called me a couple of hours later to say that my insurance didn't cover the meds. Gonal-F alone was going to be upwards of $200 for the single dose I need. Yikes!

So the sample pen from the fertility clinic is very much appreciated. And I found a mail-order pharmacy where the other meds will be cheaper than they would be at Long's.

If I'd known how much this was going to cost out of pocket, I would have looked for a full-time job with good health insurance, rather than continuing the contracting gig. S's health insurance sucks now since they switched from Blue Cross.

Oh well. Live and learn. Fingers crossed this cycle just works.

Monday, October 1, 2007

On with the show

Appointment is set for 10 am Wednesday.

Drugs have been ordered and should be ready for pickup tomorrow afternoon.

Prenatal vitamins are being ingested. Ooops, forgot them this morning.

I still vacillate between being excited and wondering what the hell I'm doing.

I very much want KB to have a sibling, but I am worried about having another child as, um, "spirited" as KB is. Will I actually have the energy to keep up with two of them?