Judge not

KB is a very active, very intense little boy. He is, I think, what people are referring to when they talk about "spirited" children. In some circles, he would be characterized as "a handful" or "all boy".

And at the end of the day, I am spent. I'm exhausted.

Today KB really tested my patience. I raised my voice (read: yelled) many times, and felt bad afterwards.

I took him with me to the post office to mail some bills and to pick up a package. He loves putting envelopes into the outgoing mail slot. However, when it came time to pick up the package, he was not at all interested in staying next to me. He kept running from the counter out into the lobby where all the post office boxes are. There was another boy (around 5) with his mom, also picking up a package. He was not helping matters; he would chase KB out into the lobby. Then his mother would tell him to come back and stand next to her. KB, meanwhile, would wait out in the lobby, out of my line of sight, for someone to chase him.

I had to keep running out to the lobby to retrieve him, so he didn't try to run out the door into the parking lot. The postal clerk behind the counter kept giving me looks. Why is it that when people give me shitty looks like that, I feel the need to apologize for my son?

Finally, I had to just go pick KB up and hold him on my hip while I tried to sign for the package with my free hand. He was not pleased.

Then, at swimming lessons, he was in another of his "I'll do what I damn well please" moods. The other little girls in the class listen to their moms and to the teacher. They do as they are asked. KB? Not so much. If the game or activity we are doing meshes with what he wants to do, he's fine.

Tonight, for example, one of their big activities was falling into the pool backwards and reaching for the wall. In previous sessions, KB did NOT like this activity at all. He was afraid to fall into the water when he couldn't see where he was falling. He loved it tonight. He kept wanting to do it again and again, even when the teacher was ready to move on to another activity. He kept crawling over the wall separating our lane from the next class's lane, and dropping into the water. I had to reach over several times to grab him before he went under.

The teacher kept giving me looks. Not necessarily shitty looks, but looks I recognized as "Can't you control your kid?" I wanted to ask her, what would you do? Surely he is not the only kid in the history of the swim school that has acted this way. Will he grow out of this behavior and be able to pay attention to his instructors?

After class, we stopped at a sandwich place near home. KB kept running back and forth between the cash register and the chip display, picking up bags of chips and putting them on the counter. I kept returning the bags to him, each time asking him to put the chips back. When we sat at our table, I strapped him into the high chair (I know, I should be infinitely grateful that he will still sit this way!!). He kept grabbing at stuff on the table and I kept telling him "Wait KB, Mommy will get it for you." Lather, rinse, repeat.

When I finally got to sit down, I looked up and noticed an elderly woman looking at me scornfully. I really wanted to smack her. Don't you think I know? I want to ask these people.

Seriously, what do people want me to do? I can't just not take him out in public.

Is it me? Have I done something, or not done something, to make him this way? Or is it just the way he is made? Most of the time, I truly believe it's just his nature.

But days like today make me think that maybe I'm just a shitty parent.